What's the Rush?

For as long as I can remember I think I have always had this attitude like- "I can't wait for this to be over." I'm talking like since I was a kid, with almost everything. When I was a kid I could not wait to be a grown up... It was always- I can't wait to be a middle schooler, a high schooler, to be done with college so I can be a real grown up... Then I became a real grown up and got a real job as a teacher and all I wanted was for the school year to end each year. Then I joined Peace Corps, and here I am a year in thinking all the time about what I'm going to do when it's over... 

WHY have I always been in such a hurry? A hurry to grow up and get on with things, I guess. This is normal right? I think many people may be affected by this manner of thinking. Those of us that are always too overly excited to get on to whatever is next for us. Thinking... When I finish school I will be it will be awesome. Once I get a new job, I will be happy. When summer vacation comes... When I get done with Peace Corps...  But what about right now? 

And often when I get there, to that place in my life I just couldn't wait to get to... it's almost never as wonderful as I imagined it would be... and it's not until then that I realize how great things really were in the past. So this morning over my cup of instant coffee (in the "Stop me before I volunteer again" mug my brother gave me), I thought about how at times I've found myself thinking Man I can't wait for my service to be done and move on with my life... But really... it's not like that. I guess I just feel that way and say things like that when I'm missing the comforts of the 1st world life and when I feel lonely being out in my site. Ultimately... I know I'm going to love and appreciate this experience in the end. I'll be glad I finished, and will probably even miss it- El Salvador and its people. And I'm sure I'll look back fondly on these times, the good and the bad.... and I'll be proud- like Man! I did it! Haha, ok ok, I still have a year left- and then I'll tell you how I'm feeling about it ending.

It's just so hard for me to not get ahead of myself. I get too anxious and excited about things to come. But this is what I'm doing now... and you know what? I'm doing pretty awesome!

What kind of awesome things am I doing? WELL.... 

I can't believe it, but my water project keeps truckin along and appears like it might be a success! I don't want to speak too soon... but next week I should find out for sure if my community will be getting it or not. The mayor is going to have someone from his council drive me and my community leaders to San Salvador to have a meeting with the organization! Sounds promising... at least on part of the mayor who is supportive enough of the project to have us driven out there by one of his guys. We are so close! I have gotten tired at points, of going to mayor's office and to San Sal to meet with people there- over and over again... but it looks like all the hard work and persistence might pay off! Primero Dios.

But something so silly happened a few weeks ago... I went to San Salvador to meet with the water project manager and talk about what needs to be done next, and the he told me that some guy from my community was there the day before. He said it was a fat guy that came in just to complain about things- saying he doesn't like how I am running the project. The Project Manager stood up for me and said I am only trying to help them. And the guy from the community just kept complaining and had no real constructive purpose of being there. I know exactly who it was. It was Alex, the "President" of the council (that doesn't really legally exist) of that part of the community. He was upset that I have been collaborating with the actual legitimate community council rather than theirs. Sorry buddy... you're not legit. And seriously... he should have just come to talk to me so I could communicate to him what I'm doing. He could have hurt our chances of getting this project... I'm not mad, I mean... just laughing about it. It sounds like he just wants to be able to take some credit for the project and I can't blame him for wanting to be involved. However, it shouldn't really be about WHO gets the water for the community, but just about just getting their basic need for water taken care of. And then he called me Monday night at 8 pm and was asking me to come to a meeting the next day with his council. Sorry I'm busy. I was busy... I was preparing for a workshop I had planned in the school this week... which I totally rocked!

I organized a Horizontes de Prevencion charla at my school. This is an HIV/AIDS, STD prevention workshop where kids also get a general sex education. It was a huge success! I could not be happier with how it went. Not gonna lie, beforehand I was like, Mannn I'm so dumb. Why did I plan to do a charla right before I leave for vacation? But it was so worth it. We did it at the school in 2 groups- 8th grade in one, 9th grade in the other with a total of about 50 students. And I had my youth counterparts that I got trained in the workshop a few months back to help, and also got local medical professionals to come participate and help teach the students about condoms and how to properly use them. I have never seen the students from my school so engaged in learning something... Well, their age and the subject made it easy for them to be I guess... But also because the activities I had planned were dynamic and involved their participation. I was so happy that they felt comfortable asking questions, and from the pre and post tests that I gave I can tell that they learned. It was a blast! My youth counterparts are so awesome... they love teaching this so much that they want to travel to other communities to do it. Jamie came to help with this one in my site and we are talking about going to do the charla at her site next. There are photos on my fbook if you're interested in seeing more pics from the activity!

Butt shot. Not the most flattering (I bought those pants for $5 in a Salvadoran woman's living room)- but I wanted to show the whole group! Such a great group of kids! 

The Globulos Blancos are defending the Cuerpo Humano

I also want to send out a huge thank you to Carol & Jim in Houston who helped make it possible for my school to get a refrigerator for their kitchen. This refrigerator was a much needed item and after buying it a few weeks ago, it has already been put to great use! The school staff is now able to buy more fruits and vegetables for the food they cook for the kids- being able to provide the students with more nutritious meals. We can store food in a more sanitary manner, not waste so much, and we are even able raise money for other needed school materials by selling cold beverages and other items that we can keep in it. This one appliance is doing such great things for our Centro Escolar! We are planning a bigger way to say thank you but for the time being, just want to give the shout out and say- Un mil gracias!

Nina Damaris, the school cook, loves all that she is now able to do in the kitchen with this fridge!

Soon I am heading back to Houston for the 4th of July weekend... a really short trip this time, but I am really excited about seeing my family :) I do have lots of things to get back here to with my life in El Salvador though. Things aren't always easy here in this life... But it's mine, and I love it. 

Peace Out!

Amor.

Amy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

What a terrible, horrible, no good very bad week was the thought that was running through my head as this week went on.


My weekend started off great... I got into San Sal Friday and went out for dinner with Noel and friends at a pretty good restaurant Friday night. Saturday I gave a stab at the Foreign Service Officer test. I took it at the embassy- or excuse me, the Palace- with its big clean buildings and beautifully manicured, green lawns. The test was 3 hours long. There were several other PCVs there taking it; one came all the way from Guatemala because they don't offer the test at his post. He also came really dressed up... I think he was wearing a tie... while the rest of us were in flip flops or sweatshirts. Saturday morning tests aren't that fun- and this one was intense. Afterwards I was exhausted and had a growing headache. I won't find out if I passed it for 3-5 weeks. I have no idea how I did... many people dont pass it their first time. But it was free to take and worth giving it a try- also because afterwards Noel took me into the commisary (or however you spell it)- the store at the embassy that sells many of the American things you can't find here- and I got to see all of the wonderful things inside! Jaw-dropping... Chex mix! Bud Light! Noooooo!? VELVEETA SHELLS and CHEESE!? JACKPOT!!! But I had plenty of that from my lovely family who has been keeping me stocked with their shipments. So I left very happy with my 3 cans of Progresso Soup. I don't know where my new obsession with soup came from, but over the last several months I have eaten soup everyday... and now I have Progresso, thanks to my honey :)

So after we left the embassy Noel and I went shopping at Pricesmart for the going away party we were having that night for some friends. Pricesmart is like Costco or Sams Club... and they have really good hot dogs! You may recall that months ago I blogged about how much I miss those things, and then -lucky me- I discovered the Pricesmart hot dog. It ain't nothin compared to a hebrew national or ball park beef frank- but it does the job. And they have relish and freshly cut onions for toppings. While sitting there at the Pricesmart picnic tables eating our weiners- Noel told me more about the process of becoming a foreign service officer... My brain was so fried just from taking the test, but its sounds like the test is not even the worst of it. It's only the first of many challenges. It will be exciting to see where life takes me after Peace Corps... who knows, maybe I could be working in embassies all over the world, or maybe i'll stick with teaching.

So you're probably wondering- where is the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad" in all of this? Well, that started creeping it's way in before the party on Saturday. I just wasn't feelin right- like maybe I was getting sick. But that didn't stop me from having a good time! I felt it on Sunday when I woke up all achey. Then by Sunday night I had a pretty high fever. Then Monday came the stomach pain and the diahrrea... and so finally on Tuesday after being sick and uncomfortable for several days, I called my doctor, went in for tests in San Sal... which, if your interested- involved blood being drawn and pooing in the tiniest cup ever... EW.

"You have amoebas..." my doctor, Charo, told me.

Wonderful, I thought. I'm not crazy or just being a dramatic baby. I actually had something. Sometimes I try to tough it out when I think I might have something, because a lot of the times it passes on it own. In this case, I was trying to tough it out and waited a bit longer than I should have to call the doctor. But I finally did because those were the most intense stomach pains I ever had from diahrrea... it had to be something. Next time I'll just go in when it's that bad. I won't make myself sit around being uncomfortable for days.

And as a volunteer, I don't know what it is, but a lot of times I feel really guilty when I can't do my job or if I miss things in my site, even if it's because I'm sick. And this was not a good time for me to get sick... I had meetings planned about my charlas, an Escuela de Padres to go to, a meeting with the NGO about my water projects... and all of that was put on hold by these amoebas. Thanks guys. No really. I guess I needed to be reminded to always remember to take care of myself first. My health is more important than anything. And it's not like I could have sat through any of these meetings if i was hunched over cramping or crapping my pants. So anyway- I'm still recovering- taking these strong, bitter pills that make me feel funny, but just after two days of them I am so much better, in my site, and trying to take it easy.

But the icing on the cake of my "no good, horrible, very badness" was having my campesinas come meet me in San Salvador after my medical stuff to go to talk with the water project people. They came all the way from San Vicente, and hour walk to the bus and 2 hours on two buses for us to go and find out the guy wasn't even there. When I spoke with him previously he said he would be. I felt really bad about that... I should have called the day before to confirm... but being sick, I just was not at my best... and maybe shouldn't have been pushing myself to get this work done in the state I was in. Lesson Learned. But we did drop off our letter of solicitude for the project... so they can feel like they did something- they went to the office and dropped of the letter.... But I will still have to go back and talk with the guy. I don't think I will try bringing them with me next time. It's too much for them to do, and too expensive, with the possibility of the guy not even being there. I asked them when the last time they went to the capital was and it had been over a year for both of them. They never leave San Vicente. And it was clear they weren't comfortable with being in the city. One of my ladies didnt even know how to open the car door of the taxi from the inside. So we dropped off the letter and went back to San Vi asap, where I bought them a good lunch at their favorite Comedor for $2 each and they were happy.

So none of this is really all that bad is it? I guess not. It's too easy to be pessimistic when you're not feeling well. When I am feeling good, I am happy, and I have thoughts like "My life is awesome, Peace Corps is the best decision I ever made." When I'm sick and not well I'm feeling like, "Man... this frikin sucks. How much longer 'til I don't have to live like this anymore?" So yes, lesson has been learned... I have to take care of myself above all else, so that I can be here and be able to do my job. Yes my community has needs... but so do I, and I should not neglect my own needs to take care of their's.

And the people in my community understand... they can see that I have been sick just by looking at me. They are all commenting on how I lost weight- The upside of amoebic dysentary. You lose a good number of pounds from pooping your brains out and losing your appetite. I wonder what it is that I got it from. Dropping my clif bar on the floor of the dirty bus and eating it anyway? Buying and eating street food? Drinking dirty water? Not being able to wash my hands or food properly while my community was out of water for weeks? There are many possibilities. I admit, I was getting too relaxed with what I had been eating- thinking, I've been here for a year and nothing too terrible has happened to me yet. I am not as invincible and tough as I thought I was.

But there's one thing my neighbors keep telling me they think it was that I know they are wrong about. They all say that I got it from using the latrine at my host family's house. They think you can pass amoebas onto other through dirty bathrooms and that too many people use the bathroom at my house. I don't think so. Most of the time I don't even sit down. But they swear that their doctors tell them that's how they've gotten it in the past. Despues de Dios es el Doctor, they tell me. After God comes Doctors. Puh-lease.

After being gone for medical, I came back to my site and my host mom had cleaned my house up for because it was all dusty and gross. How sweet it is to be loved and cared for.

I am very lucky.

Paz y amor.

Cows Frogs and Viejitos

Ay Dios Mio... These last few weeks have been rough, living without water. But THANK GOD the water is back! We have water once again, falling like the fountain of life from our chorro. I was so so happy when it finally came- after not having enough water to adequately bathe or wash dishes for weeks- that when I saw the precious liquid flowing in abundance I rejoiced in overly dramatic song and dance. Hallelujah! I have to say, it was a good experience... one that perhaps will really make my Peace Corps journey complete... I now know how valuable and precious this resource is. Over the last few days of our drought morale was low... I was left with no clean pots to cook with, no clean dishes to eat off of.... I was beginning to lose faith it would ever come. Then that day my prayers were answered... I hope I don't have to experience that too often again in the future. I will never ever complain again about how the ducks and chicken stand over my bath water and poo in it... I will be glad just to have it. This experience of loss of water makes me even more passionate about securing this water project for the near 60 houses in my community that dont have running water... I can't believe they live like that, and have lived like that, for their entire lives.

Random side note: One chicken layed a few eggs on the floor where I take my shower the other day... I picked them up off the ground and ate them for lunch.

I love cows, but I hate them. I am so nervous walking around my community these days, in fear of a vaca brava that might come and try to coronear me- or stick her horn thru me. Ay no. Now I am almost never seen walking around town without a stick, and with much hesitation turning every corner. And when I do encounter cows, I am running into whatever house is nearby feeling nervous until they leave. Ever since my experience of being charged by an angry heffer and being saved by my neighbor Mateo for fighting it off, and ever since I talked to the woman who told me that was how her father died, I have these horrible visions that if anything were gonna kill me in the Peace Corps it would be the horn of a cow. Not the notable violence of the country I live in, but a cow. Haha... I am thinking about moving, yes still. I found a new place that is a possibility... and among the many perks of living there is the fact that I won't have to walk so far to school and the center of town everyday and encounter these frightening animals. What I do love about cows though- They are really really cute when they are babies, as you can see from some of my newest facebook photos. One was born last week and I named him Willy. And the cows that live at my house are nice and not scary... I love that I can feed them and give them whatever fruits and veggies I have that go bad, or whatever other undesirable foods I am given by friends and neighbors. I can never turn down food when it's offered to me... that's something that is extremely rude and offensive in this culture.

Another creature I am developing a hate for: FROGS. Effin Frogs. I remember when I was kid and I thought they were cute and I would go searching for them in the water meters on the street on Jenny Drive. Well little did I know how disgusting they are. I don't appreciate that now with the rainy season they are taking over my house... by the tens. I need to frog proof my house and do something about the gap underneath my doors. I am also proving to be a terrible frog hunter. Those suckers are really quite fast. I try to get to them and smash them with the broom and kill them so I can sweep them out of the house with ease... but it seems like no matter how hard I beat them they still manage to have the strength to hop away faster than I can get them out. And they hop quickly behind all furniture and hide and then I can't find them. And then they come out at night while i'm in bed making so much noise banging on everything and knocking things over and singing... and do you have any idea how substantial their excrements are? I mean... i'm talking decent sized turds, that smell. Hmph. I bet if I move to my new house I won't have this problem so bad.

The house I am in now and have been living in for almost a year is rather exposed to the elements. And when it rains water is flooding into my house from the side door creating a huge pool of water on one half of my house. It also brings in poo and dirt and nasty things... I've starting shoving a towel under the door, but mannnn.... what a life. The only thing about moving to this new place is that I will be joining a family... the living conditions will be a lot nicer, and I love this family... and I'll have the house to myself when I go to sleep at night because the kids that live in it and have their things there sleep next door with their grandma. Their parents left them to go to the US when they were really small and they've never gotten used to sleeping alone. But I love the family and the house is really pretty nice and spacious and their are cool young people around, including my best 20 year old friend Carolina. So i'm thinking I should do it... Just one year to go anyway. And time flies. And I'll get to know another part of my community better. But I'm gonna wait until August I think. Telling Marinita and Chepito will be hard.

This morning when I was waiting for the bus while sitting and chatting with my friend Hilda, I heard some man shouting all crazy. "What's that about?" I asked Hilda... She told me it was the old man that lives in the house across the street. He is old and blind and lives alone..... ??? How does one get by living like that? Maybe he was screaming because he had to go to the bathroom and couldn't find it and went all over himself. How does he find and prepare food when he is hungry? No one should have to live like that. Supposedly he has a daughter that comes once a day every day at 7 am to give him food.. but jeeez... that's not enough. Someone like that needs around the clock support. Hearing his story hurts my heart.

I have this thing about visiting the elderly in my community. There are a lot of sweet elderly women that live alone and I go and sit with them and we talk. They are so so sweet and I can tell it makes them so happy to get a visitor. Last week I was visiting with Nina Odilia and she was trying to gift me everything in her home. When I said I liked her purse she ran to her room and found this big big one that she had and gave that to me, and then she proceeded to fill it with most of her fruits and vegetables in her fridge and sweet bread and soup mix. I was like "No more, you've given me enough." But enough was not enough for her. How sweet she is. I couldn't ever eat all of that myself before it went bad. Now I feel like I owe her... I'm gonna have to buy her some fancy pan dulce next time I go to San Vicente for her.

Well that's all for today my friends... Time to go enjoy my weekend!

What You Want

"Don't give up what you want most for what you want at this moment."


I have moments where I wish I had a hot shower, to see my family, cold skim milk over a bowl of cereal, a gym, a car to drive.... But this quote reminds me that it's not worth it. Because what I want most is to be a successful volunteer. To finish my time here feeling like I have left this place better than I found it... for the people here and for myself. There's time in the future for hot showers and honey bunches of oats. But this is my once in a lifetime chance to really make a difference in this rural community here in El Salvador. And that is something I bet I would not trade for anything in the long run.

And as of today my community has been without running water for a week, which is nothing big to many volunteers, but I thus far really haven't had to live without it. The "bomba" that pumps all the water to our community and several others broke. We are left scrounging around for the scarce liquid in the rivers and the pozos... bringing it in from wherever we can find it. I have never ever had to lived without water. And I'm quickly learning that I don't even know how to live without it. These people sure do- they're teaching me how to make the littlest amount go a long way. Something that is a rather good life skill, I think. So I'm getting bye with about two gallons a day... one for bathing, the other for washing my dishes. The downside is- I have fallen of the p90x train. I am just not gonna workout and sweat that much if I'm not guaranteed a decent bath after. Such a bummer. But hopefully they'll get the bomba fixed and we'll have water again soon. I keep hoping it will rain so I can fill up my buckets and shower with the rain water... but no luck there.

It's a little bit ironic that the water is out while I have been working so hard on getting water to the part of the community (57 houses, 250 people) that doesn't have water. But what I am trying to get for them are these systems that are filled with rain water... they're really big so they hold a lot of water and they will have pipes hooked up from the cisterns to their pilas. It even filters the rain water so that it is good for drinking... something that will surely improve their health and wuality of life. The only downside is that it's not going to work the whole year round. During the long summer months, the cisterns will dry up and they will have to go back to carrying the water from 2 km away. Does that sound worth it to do this project? One that they can really only benefit from during the rainy season? I think it might be their only option though. Piping water out to them would be so costly and labor intensive because of their location- which is probably why no one has ever taken on the project in the past. Supposedly the cisterns are so big that the water will endure through a chunk of the summer... but surely not all of it. Hmmm... Well I have a meeting with the people this afternoon to see if they like the idea. I've already convinced the mayor to back us up. After I spent two days straight waiting for him at his office... The first day he didn't come at all, and the second day he came in the afternoon. He is not an easy man to track down. And no one could tell me anything about when he might be there. So, anyway... we'll see what happens.

The last asamblea I held with the community about this project though... I was pretty nervous about. More than 100 people showed up... and I have to say, I rocked it. I couldn't believe it... like- is this me? am I doing this? Standing in front of 100 campesinos, speaking Spanish perfectly, understanding them perfectly, about bring water to their community... something they have been fighting for for decades. Yup... it was me. Felt pretty awesome.

There's no one available to give me a ride out there today, and to walk it's 45 minutes or so up and down hills, so... I'm borrowing a horse! LoL and arriving on horseback. Why do I think that is so funny? Again, is this really the life I'm living? haha! I love it!

Anyways, all of this water project stuff has made me so busy, I haven't had time to blog. In between the water project solicitude writing and meetings, I'm planning my HIV/AIDS workshop for this month with the local medicos and the kids that I got trained at the camp I brought to in April, I'm making shampoo, and trying to find time to work at the school and help the English teacher. I feel bad, I wish I could be at the school more helping the teachers and being with the kids. But at the moment, I think getting people water is a tad more important don't you think?

I woke up this morning covered in these little hard itchy bumps. I think they are a leftover reaction from the sandfleas in Roatan. I had never heard of or seen a sanflea before, or is it sandfly? I dunno, either way, they are obnoxious. They are as tiny as fleas but they have little wings and fly. And they bite and attack you everywhere... They werent so painful when they bit, just annoying... and they didn't really itch until the present, nearly a week later. We bought this local remedy that was a mix of a bunch of different oils. It really did work. So if you ever find yourself with a sandflea problem, spritz yourself with oil. Other than the sandfleas, Roatan was an awesome and gorgeous! Our time went by so fast, since we were only there 3 nights. But it was just enough time for the crystal clear waters, sand, sun, and scuba. Oh my effin god is it gorgeous!! It was my first time to visit a Caribbean island- it did feel very Carribean, even though it was just off the coast of Honduras. And all the people there spoke Spanish and English. I would highly recommend this as a vacation spot to anyone... never mind the sandflies. They're only seasonal, and they're worth it. I also tried scuba for the first time and loved it! We went as deep as 40 feet... it was a little hard and scary to get my brain used to breathing under water- because it's so unnatural. But I quickly adapted and before I knew it I was down there swimming with the sea turtles like a pro. It felt like walking on the moon. So cool! I'm definitely glad I tried it and might even want to get certified eventually. Scuba is a something I think everyone should have on their bucket list now.

In other news- I am the proud owner of a new Kindle 3G... I can't stop talking about how great this thing is! The best gift! I have the most thoughtful boyfriend ever! Previously I would be seen lugging around huge hardback printed books that took up all this space in my bad... and now i can have thousands of books all on this one little device! I have books, magazines, blogs, and can even play scrabble on it! And because it's got the 3G- which my fancy "3rd world peace corps country" has all over... I can even check email and facebook and get on the web for FREE anywhere I am! Isn't that nuts!? Ok well i'm not gonna be whipping it out in public because it might bring some attantion to myself as the gringa with the money and the fancy electronic device... I doubt the salvadorans would really know what it is or what to do with it though... But it is so nice. I'm going to save so much money not buying my $1 a day internet, and I won't be spending so much wasted time in front of my computer when I should be out and about in the community. Having internet on my laptop, it was often too easy to get sucked in to hours of chatting with people on facebook. But with my kindle I can just check my email and facebook and be done and go on with my day. I tell you, this thing is changing my life. LoL... ok, so there's my testimonial. I'm just super excited about it, can ya tell?

So, time for me to get on with my day! Can't mop my house- no water. I think I'll go arriba and visit some of mi gente and then come back and make myself a tasty tuna salad sandwich for lunch.

And I'll leave you with another wise little quote my dad shared with me- because it's thoughts and words like these that keep me going these days...

"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you have."

Love to todo del mundo. Paz.