Hello Year 2! I think I'm gonna Love You

My favorite torro, Ninyo, greeting my at the door of my house in the morning. I swear that's a smile!

What a month! Well.... it's almost over. I can't believe it. The months just seem to be going by faster and faster. It feels like there is never enough time to get everything done. I try not to think too much about all that I have going on. Because when I do I just feel like my mind is exploding and I get blown away. I've got enough to do... I'm not taking on any more projects. I have enough. If I finish what I have on my to do list before my time here is up then I will be satisfied. I don't even care if these things fail.... as long as I do the best I can with them. So I've told myself that I will kick myself in the butt and for the next 6 months really focus on finishing these things I've started. No more new stuff until at least a few get crosed off my list. I've started saying no to people who ask me to do more stuff. Feels good. I never imagined I could be so busy in the Peace Corps. 

I have spent most of this month in my site. The longest I've ever gone without spending a night a way since the beginning. I am sooooo ready for a break, which I will finally get the day after tomorrow!! Hallelujah! And as my friend Jessica reminded me... it's not like anyone is giving out any prizes to volunteers who spend the most time in their sites. It really is important to get out and take time for yourself. Still, this month has been good for me. I spent a lot of extra time with the people in my community, was seen around a lot more, built up that confianza... It was nice. My host family asked me if I broke up with my boyfriend because I haven't gone to San Sal in so long. Haha.... I told them "Nope just wanted to be here with you guys" which they loved. But GAH I can't wait to get out of here this weekend and see him!

Car says: "If you don't believe, you suffer."

There's a new group of Youth Development volunteers here in training now. I had one sent to me for her immersion days... As part of training they have current volunteers host newbies so they can spend time in an actual volunteer site and see what they do, what life is like, etc. I remember when I was in training mine was such a good experience, I was really excited for it to be my turn to have one. I got a very tranquila muchacha, Liz, who was here with me from Thursday to Sunday... I had a blast dragging her all around my community and having her visit houses with me. The people we visited were so flattered that I wanted to bring my gringa friend to THEIR house.... and at every house they told us that we look identical, which is so not true. Salvos think all we americans look alike. 

So for the special occasion of her visit I decided to forego the cheap boxed wine I always buy for the house and bought a fancy $6 bottle of wine with a twist off top because I dont own a corkscrew. Good thing all I had was one bottle because we had to wake up at 5 a.m. on Friday to go to San Vicente with my youth group where we gave our infamous Sex Ed. charla. By the end of Friday we were exhausted. 

Condom Demonstration. "El uso correcto y consiste del condon se previene embarazos no planeados, VIH, y otros ITS."

Sunday she got to be a madrina with me for the 9th grade sponsored "Carrera de Cinta." We wore sashes like Miss America, decorated all pretty with our names on them. The event involved men running on their horses with a pencil in their hand that they try to stick through a tiny little ring that has a number on it. The number is the madrina that has to give them their sash, a gift, and they often ask for a kiss too. I was the 5th madrina to get the ring snatched... Upon walking up to the cowboy who was all smiles the host guy on the microphone started shouting, "Beso! Beso! Beso!" And I was like, hellz no I am not kissing this guy. So I went to give him one of those awkward side hugs... The kissing thing later turned out to not be such a big deal... every madrina kissed the winning cowboys like they were french. But by french i don't mean french kissing...  I mean, in the way many Europeans greet each other with kisses on the cheek. 

Me and my PC Trainee, Elisa- Somos Madrinas muy bonitas :)

So the immersion day thing was a success. I sent her off on the noon bus, mission complete. I had never had another American come spend so much time with me in my site before. I think it really helped me see what I'm doing here and feel good about it. Just hearing comments from someone else that sees it. I would love to have visitors more often! 

So that afternoon that she left, there was a dance from 3 to about 8:30. I went to show my face, but going to dances here isn't that fun for me. They play the music so loud you are deaf when you leave. And I certainly don't want to dance too closely to anyone from my community because I dont want anybody getting any ideas. And they love this techno electronic kind of music that I hate and find impossible to dance too. I dance for an hour though with some of the 9th graders and other student friends of mine. No touching. I was just trying to help them get the party started. People were so shy to start dancing. As soon as things got going I was off and home and showered before dark. I thought it was really funny that the beer they were selling was poured into plastic bags to be drunk with a straw. Haha... So El Salvador. But beer never tastes as good through a straw. That's ok though, because I guess the Pilsener they drink doesnt taste that good to begin with. Not that I was drinking any... women don't hardly ever drink in public here. And I especially wouldn't do it because I work with kids and at the school. It would really be looked down upon. 

Me & my little ring at the Carrera de Cinta

This guy won like 10 times... his horse was a beast!

Monday I went to San Vicente with the intention of knocking out some more work... But I got there and was good for nothing. Just frikin tired. I realized I had not taken a day off for myself to rest in weeks. I ended up catching the next bus back to my site and watching movies the rest of the day. I needed that. 

So I had what I was planning to be my last water project meeting today. I was gonna go over there and tell them, "I'm sorry, this isn't gonna work out." But thinking about it... I realized it's not over yet. The fat lady hasn't sang (or is it sung? god, my English is getting terrible!). I just feel like I really need to see it to the end... and they too need to be a part of that end. So it's not just like, "Oh this gringa came and said she'd try to help us get water, but then she stopped." No, that's not good... not good enough for me. I figured... well we still have time to give this thing one last shot. If this is a project they really want... they can go to the mayor themselves and show him they want it. So.... it will be over soon... but first we have to set up a meeting with the mayor and get a big group of people over there at his office in front of his face.... and show him that they are serious. And then, at least they the people will know for themselves the outcome, and it won't be all on what the gringa said or did. Anyway... I dont have a lot of faith that our mayor will follow through on this... but ya never know. We have to try and give it all we've got.... Well... they have to. I can't do it for them by myself.

Just heard that my birthday package arrived! Sweeeeet!!!! Thank you to my wonderful family! I am so excited! Real birthday presents! I hear they are wrapped and everything! What a wonderful weekend I am going to have :) 

No I just have one last day of work before I get my break. Tomorrow I am off to San Juan with the jovenes to give our famous charla. Me and my kiddos are taking the department of San Vicente by storm! This will be our 5th time around... They have become professional facilitators. We got our matching polo shirts so we even have a uniform now. Too bad the polos turned out pretty ugly. I think they make us look like we work at McDonald's. My bad for asking for black collars on red shirts.

Me & My Crew in our awesome matching shirts at our traditional celebratory post-workshop Pollo Campero Feast

Off to finish the movie I started yesterday, The King's Speech, and pass out! 

Goodnight World.

P.S. Noel turned in his bid list for his next post today! Where's it gonna be? Manila? Africa? Mexico.... Who knows! :)

P.P.S. One of my host fam's dogs just walked in my house, lifted up his leg, and peed on the leg of my table. Damn chucho.

Top 10 Reasons Peace Corps El Salvador Makes Me Feel Like a Kid Again

10. Telling my host parents where I’m going and when I’m coming back. And having my host mom calling me worried about where I am if I’m not home within 30 minutes of the last bus coming in.

9. Telling Peace Corps specific details of my whereabouts whenever I leave my site and not being able to leave for more than a few days at time.

8. Playing UNO, Barrel of Monkies, and coloring with the neighborhood kids when I get bored.

7. Being forced to eat food I don’t want. (The only thing forcing me is guilt, because it makes Salvadoran women so happy to feed you).

6. Not having shaved legs. (Well, in the campo at least).

5. Going to bed at 7:30. Going to bed at 9 pm feels like staying up late.

4. Having sleepovers with girl friends when we visit each others’ houses. Then trying not to make too much noise at night and making an effort to conceal the boxed wine we’re drinking.

3. Sometimes not understanding big words or what people are talking about (in Spanish).

2. Riding around everywhere on old American School Buses because I am not allowed to drive and listening to the 80s music they blast on them.

1. Sometimes I poop in my pants. (When I can’t make it to the bathroom in time, thanks to amoebas and parasites).

“Wherever you go, there you are.”

The Toughest Job I´ll Ever Love?

Oh my. I slept in until 8 am today! That's crazy to me. I have only slept that late a handful of times since being in El Salvador... I forgot how great it is! The only thing is that everyone here wakes up at 4 or 5 a.m. to milk cows, start washing, cleaning- making the gringa look like a lazy bum. But you know what... I can really appreciate that I come from a place that thinks walking up at 8 o clock is ok.


I'm still getting over this mid-service hill I feel. Definitely on the down side of it. And I'm not gonna lie... I've thought about calling it quits. Why? I think I'm just tired. I've taken on a lot of different projects... and juggling them all feels like a lot, especially when I feel like I may not even have the energy to mop my floor. So I've decided to not take on anything else until I finish these things. The vocational course, the vision and literacy campaign, the creation of a solid youth committee, the water project, repairing and cleaning up the old clinic to be used by the new community doctors, the HIV/AIDS Prevention charlas. If I'm going to do these things, I want to do them well. And I won't have time to do them well if I keep picking up more and more small side projects.

Sometimes I get flustered when I can feel that I may not be doing things my community wants to see me doing. And it's often hard for them to see what I am doing. But for example, they wanted me to teach English classes from the start. I haven't gotten around to doing it. And I also just don't feel like that is an effeective use of my time as a volunteer in this community. Majority of the people here struggle enough with understanding their own language... many of them not even knowing the whole alphabet. I am not going to teach them English- they need to be able to read and write in Spanish first! Sure, there are a few kids that are at a level where they are ready to learn another language... but not enough. There are far too many more that do not know how to read. So I'm gonna focus my second year on that- literacy- while continuing the things I've started.

The Water Project. It appears to be a no go. I put a lot of time and effort into trying to make the thing work. And all we really need is for the mayor to give the money now... which he might still do. But I feel like I've taken the community as far as I can take them. I'm not here to work on stuff like that. I saw an opportunity and I decided to give it a go... but you see, I am starting to think that this is not even the kind of water project they need anyway. it's based off of filling systems from rain water... and this has been the dryest rainy season ever. If they had these systems right now they probably would be dry. It's not worth it. So I've been wanting to talk with them about how I don't think it's the best thing for them... that I think they need to work on getting real running water like the rest of us in the community has. But fijese que, that's not my place to be working on something like that. That really should be between the mayor's office and the community. I'm gonna tell them that I can help get them started by setting up and going to some meetings with them... but they need to be the ones organizing something like this. And truth is... They could have had water a long time ago. They were very close to putting it in, but some obstacles came up and they dropped the ball with no one taking the lead. I'm not going to be able to carry all of that on my back for them. They need to be the leaders and owners of their projects. We'll see what happens when I talk to them. They will be disappointed.

In other news, my youth that have been doing the HIV prevention/Sex Ed. charlas with have been doing AWESOME! We are doing the workshop every month at the high school in San Vicente. And now they even want to make matching polo shirts for us to wear when we do it. They are something else. It baffles me how enthusiastic they are about doing this when they don't get anything in return for doing it. But they LOVE it! i think they love it because it's something like putting on a show, and it's great public speaking experience for them. I'm amazed by them everytime. After the charla I buy them their favorite fried chicken at Pollo Campero... it's a good time. We are doing two this month- one at the highschool and another at a school in a rural community.

Anyways- So it sounds like I'm busy enough doesn't it? And I think about how there are all these things I want to see finished before I leave here. I know I don't really want to quit. Sometimes it just feels like it... because I have a bad day, or because I'm just so looking forward to whatever life will be like after this. How comfortable it will be. How much opportunity I will have. I can't help but daydream about the future. But who doesnt?

And when I have bad days I tend to call my parents. It's like this constant need for pep talks. The last time Dad said, "Amy, just shut up and do it. Get over it." And of course that's not what I wanted to hear. Maybe I wanted to hear something more like, "You poor thing... Out there, on your own... poor baby." But as much as those pitying words feel nice, they don't help. Dad's right. Shut up. Get over it. Thanks Dad- You couldn't have said anything better.

So yesterday I had this feeling like... like I'm finally caving. I'm giving into the fact that I still have a ways to go. That I actually want this. I signed up for this. This is it. I'm in it for the long haul.

I wish I could always be optimistic and positive and happy here... but Peace Corps comes with its downs. Downs that can really only be understood by those who are here going through it. I'm ready to accept that. To stop dreaming about what I don't have here... what I could have if I left it. To stop calling my loved ones whining about the same shit. It's time to shut up and just do it. This is what I asked for. This is what I wanted... and boy am I getting it. And it's all going to be a very worthwhile valuable experience in the end, I know it. And I already get emotional thinking about how I will possibly say goodbye to this place a year from now. It truly is "the toughest job you`ll ever love." So I'm tired... Tired of wasting my time being unhappy when the going gets tough. Life is too short to not be happy. This is it.

Year 2 will be over before I know it. I'm going to do the best I can to enjoy it. All of it.

And part of enjoying it includes going to the beach with Noel for my birthday at the end of the month. August is a busy month so I won't be able to leave until the very end of it when my birthday comes. But we are going to a beach we havent been to here yet... where hopefully I will get to release some baby turtles in the the ocean! :) How fun! Looking forward to it!

And I'll be going home for a wedding sometime in year 2, because... My brother is engaged! Congrats Evan and Jenny! Can't wait to come up there and be with y'all when you tie the knot!

And hopefully there will be a few other small vacations in there. And in the the meantime I'll be hanging out with the cows and chickens in my campo. It's really not that bad.
Last thing- Sometimes it still amazes me that I live in what is supposed to be one of the most dangerous countries in the world and after being here for over a year I still have never had a thing happen to me or even seen anything happen. I thought the time had come when i was on the bus the other day on my way home from San Sal. I got on the $1 bus that I usually go on that goes to San Vi... this cheaper bus makes a lot of stops along the way- picking people up on the side of the highway. From what I've heard, this is often how robberies happen on these buses, when they stop to pick people up. There is a more expensive $5 bus that doesn't stop at all, and therefore is more safe. But $5 vs. $1 is a big difference when you only have $6 in your pocket. So anyway, this bus I was on stopped on the side of the highway when we were about half way there. I started to get worried because we stopped... and we just stayed. And the driver got off the bus and we were stuck sitting there for like 20 minutes when I really started to get worried. Why the hell were we stopped if there was nothing wrong with the bus? I asked the cobrador- the guys that takes the money- he said it was because they were ahead of schedule and needed to wait or they'd arrive in San Miguel too early. Then he suggested I smoke some marijuana and relax. Ummm... no. So it turned out being nothing and eventually we were on our way again. Thank god. And anyway I guess the robberies that happen on those buses usually occur while the bus is still moving after they pick the thieves up. I dont think a bus would sit on the side of the road and wait 20 minutes because the thieves are running late... Maybe I'll take the fancy buses from now on.

Anyway, that's all for today folks. Gotta head up to the school and work on getting things ready for the vocational training.

Thanks for reading!

Paz y amor.