Oh my. I slept in until 8 am today! That's crazy to me. I have only slept that late a handful of times since being in El Salvador... I forgot how great it is! The only thing is that everyone here wakes up at 4 or 5 a.m. to milk cows, start washing, cleaning- making the gringa look like a lazy bum. But you know what... I can really appreciate that I come from a place that thinks walking up at 8 o clock is ok.
I'm still getting over this mid-service hill I feel. Definitely on the down side of it. And I'm not gonna lie... I've thought about calling it quits. Why? I think I'm just tired. I've taken on a lot of different projects... and juggling them all feels like a lot, especially when I feel like I may not even have the energy to mop my floor. So I've decided to not take on anything else until I finish these things. The vocational course, the vision and literacy campaign, the creation of a solid youth committee, the water project, repairing and cleaning up the old clinic to be used by the new community doctors, the HIV/AIDS Prevention charlas. If I'm going to do these things, I want to do them well. And I won't have time to do them well if I keep picking up more and more small side projects.
Sometimes I get flustered when I can feel that I may not be doing things my community wants to see me doing. And it's often hard for them to see what I am doing. But for example, they wanted me to teach English classes from the start. I haven't gotten around to doing it. And I also just don't feel like that is an effeective use of my time as a volunteer in this community. Majority of the people here struggle enough with understanding their own language... many of them not even knowing the whole alphabet. I am not going to teach them English- they need to be able to read and write in Spanish first! Sure, there are a few kids that are at a level where they are ready to learn another language... but not enough. There are far too many more that do not know how to read. So I'm gonna focus my second year on that- literacy- while continuing the things I've started.
The Water Project. It appears to be a no go. I put a lot of time and effort into trying to make the thing work. And all we really need is for the mayor to give the money now... which he might still do. But I feel like I've taken the community as far as I can take them. I'm not here to work on stuff like that. I saw an opportunity and I decided to give it a go... but you see, I am starting to think that this is not even the kind of water project they need anyway. it's based off of filling systems from rain water... and this has been the dryest rainy season ever. If they had these systems right now they probably would be dry. It's not worth it. So I've been wanting to talk with them about how I don't think it's the best thing for them... that I think they need to work on getting real running water like the rest of us in the community has. But fijese que, that's not my place to be working on something like that. That really should be between the mayor's office and the community. I'm gonna tell them that I can help get them started by setting up and going to some meetings with them... but they need to be the ones organizing something like this. And truth is... They could have had water a long time ago. They were very close to putting it in, but some obstacles came up and they dropped the ball with no one taking the lead. I'm not going to be able to carry all of that on my back for them. They need to be the leaders and owners of their projects. We'll see what happens when I talk to them. They will be disappointed.
In other news, my youth that have been doing the HIV prevention/Sex Ed. charlas with have been doing AWESOME! We are doing the workshop every month at the high school in San Vicente. And now they even want to make matching polo shirts for us to wear when we do it. They are something else. It baffles me how enthusiastic they are about doing this when they don't get anything in return for doing it. But they LOVE it! i think they love it because it's something like putting on a show, and it's great public speaking experience for them. I'm amazed by them everytime. After the charla I buy them their favorite fried chicken at Pollo Campero... it's a good time. We are doing two this month- one at the highschool and another at a school in a rural community.
Anyways- So it sounds like I'm busy enough doesn't it? And I think about how there are all these things I want to see finished before I leave here. I know I don't really want to quit. Sometimes it just feels like it... because I have a bad day, or because I'm just so looking forward to whatever life will be like after this. How comfortable it will be. How much opportunity I will have. I can't help but daydream about the future. But who doesnt?
And when I have bad days I tend to call my parents. It's like this constant need for pep talks. The last time Dad said, "Amy, just shut up and do it. Get over it." And of course that's not what I wanted to hear. Maybe I wanted to hear something more like, "You poor thing... Out there, on your own... poor baby." But as much as those pitying words feel nice, they don't help. Dad's right. Shut up. Get over it. Thanks Dad- You couldn't have said anything better.
So yesterday I had this feeling like... like I'm finally caving. I'm giving into the fact that I still have a ways to go. That I actually want this. I signed up for this. This is it. I'm in it for the long haul.
I wish I could always be optimistic and positive and happy here... but Peace Corps comes with its downs. Downs that can really only be understood by those who are here going through it. I'm ready to accept that. To stop dreaming about what I don't have here... what I could have if I left it. To stop calling my loved ones whining about the same shit. It's time to shut up and just do it. This is what I asked for. This is what I wanted... and boy am I getting it. And it's all going to be a very worthwhile valuable experience in the end, I know it. And I already get emotional thinking about how I will possibly say goodbye to this place a year from now. It truly is "the toughest job you`ll ever love." So I'm tired... Tired of wasting my time being unhappy when the going gets tough. Life is too short to not be happy. This is it.
Year 2 will be over before I know it. I'm going to do the best I can to enjoy it. All of it.
And part of enjoying it includes going to the beach with Noel for my birthday at the end of the month. August is a busy month so I won't be able to leave until the very end of it when my birthday comes. But we are going to a beach we havent been to here yet... where hopefully I will get to release some baby turtles in the the ocean! :) How fun! Looking forward to it!
And I'll be going home for a wedding sometime in year 2, because... My brother is engaged! Congrats Evan and Jenny! Can't wait to come up there and be with y'all when you tie the knot!
And hopefully there will be a few other small vacations in there. And in the the meantime I'll be hanging out with the cows and chickens in my campo. It's really not that bad.
Last thing- Sometimes it still amazes me that I live in what is supposed to be one of the most dangerous countries in the world and after being here for over a year I still have never had a thing happen to me or even seen anything happen. I thought the time had come when i was on the bus the other day on my way home from San Sal. I got on the $1 bus that I usually go on that goes to San Vi... this cheaper bus makes a lot of stops along the way- picking people up on the side of the highway. From what I've heard, this is often how robberies happen on these buses, when they stop to pick people up. There is a more expensive $5 bus that doesn't stop at all, and therefore is more safe. But $5 vs. $1 is a big difference when you only have $6 in your pocket. So anyway, this bus I was on stopped on the side of the highway when we were about half way there. I started to get worried because we stopped... and we just stayed. And the driver got off the bus and we were stuck sitting there for like 20 minutes when I really started to get worried. Why the hell were we stopped if there was nothing wrong with the bus? I asked the cobrador- the guys that takes the money- he said it was because they were ahead of schedule and needed to wait or they'd arrive in San Miguel too early. Then he suggested I smoke some marijuana and relax. Ummm... no. So it turned out being nothing and eventually we were on our way again. Thank god. And anyway I guess the robberies that happen on those buses usually occur while the bus is still moving after they pick the thieves up. I dont think a bus would sit on the side of the road and wait 20 minutes because the thieves are running late... Maybe I'll take the fancy buses from now on.
Anyway, that's all for today folks. Gotta head up to the school and work on getting things ready for the vocational training.
Thanks for reading!
Paz y amor.
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