All more the reason to get motivated to do something truly wonderful with my time here. I have been in country about 9 months, and in my permant site for 7. Many volunteers say that they didn't really understand their communities and what they could do for them until they had been in them for a year. I agree with that, but I can feel like I'm getting there, slowly, but getting there.
Jamie reminded me about the Peace Corps statistics they shared with us during training. Peace Corps, after 50 years of sending Americans away for service, has pretty much figured out pat exactly how a typical volunteer will be feeling mentally throughout their 2 years. According to them, I am at that point in my service, that end of the first year stretch, in which I will probably have the blues the most- about what I'm doing here, what I gave up to be here, etc. When Jamie reminded me about this I was in the middle of having a really great day... I was like "I think the worst of my blues is over... but i'll be here for you..." BAHAHA! I spoke too soon... I still have my days when I get the blues. BUT luckily I have been having a lot of really REALLY good days in site mixed in with them.
I'm learning a lot about what it is I need to doing to make sure I can keep it together. Also, with the encouragement of a good friend.... I have discovered that I LOVE to mop the floor of my house. It's really quite therapeutic. Turn on some good music, mix lavender Fabulosa with water and make your house sparkle. I can appreciate living in this cement box a lot more if I keep it clean and smelling nice. Funny, because before it was suggested to me, I had only mopped my own floor once in the 7 months of living here. Quite sad. My floor was dull and filthy... except for on the rare occasion I asked Guadalupe to clean it for a dollar, or Marinita surprised me by doing it herself... not being able to stand how dirty it was. LoL... So here is to new, healthy rituals!
I've also been keeping up with exercise... extremely important. I didn't get to run this morning because the soccer field was a lake after yesterday's rain. I just have to get some workout DVDs to do in my house. I did p90x with Jamie at Noel's house last week. OY! My legs and butt were incredibly sore for nearly a week... the first few days she and I both could hardly walk. It was awesome. Really, it was.
So it was a good week! Tuesday I went to a meeting with town leaders held by the NGO that works in my community. It was all about educating us on the structure of El Salvador's political system... which really bored me because it felt like a basic political science class... only in Spanish. Ay! It was good practice for my spanish though, listening and speaking from 7 am to 4:30 pm. I just didn't learn much. We're going to another one next month about gender in rural El Salvador. That sounds a lot more interesting.
Then Thursday... I had a very unique experience. The Ministry of Health sent a psychologist to my community's school to work with the teachers... He was supposed to be doing some kind of professional development- I think that is supposed to help them better understand their students. But it really turned into some kind of 4 hours therapy session.
He was giving us deep breathing, meditating and stretching techniques. Ok, cool. All things I find enjoyable. Then he went on to have us all sit in a circle for a "catharsis" activity. This is when it got a little... mmm, interesting. He gets a straw hat and puts in on the floor in the middle of the circle. He's asking everyone questions like, "what is that?" it's a hat. "What color is it?" Cream. "who would wear it?" A man.
Then he picks it up and says we are all going to talk about our relationships with out father when we were children... I didn't think his transition was too smooth and it completely caught me off guard. He went first holding the hat... talking about how his dad was a very serious person that made him spend much of his childhood gathering and selling mangoes in the streets. His dad expected him to do this for the rest of his like just like him... etc... He passes the hat to Beatriz sitting to his right. It's her turn to talk about her dad. She was already in tears before he even handed her the hat. She shared that her dad was an abusive drunk that beat the women in the family and she went on bawling and sharing ugly things about her childhood in relation to her father. Passes the hat. Idalia... her dad left them, she had to take care of the family while her mom worked... Bawling.... Passes the hat to Margarita.... Dad had a family with other women, didn't pay much attention to them when he came to visit... At this point we all had tears pouring out of us.
It was incredibly hard to sit there and listen to their stories. Not one of them could say that they did not suffer during their childhood. Seeing their pain brought me to tears as well. I had never known them on this level. We just worked together... and to hear about their pasts... I had so much shame to have that hat passed to me. I had never experienced suffering... really of any sort. I got stitches once when I was a kid... but I never went without anything. My childhood was awesome. My dad was awesome. So what could I say? I just said I was without words... because I had never experienced that kind of suffering. That it's a pleasure to work with strong people like them and to see where they are despite the odds they faced. Passed the hat.
At one point when everyone was crying the psychologist was having people stand up in pairs and hug and cry it out. I was just like, "Whoa! What is this?" It was more of a support group and therapy session than a professional development for teachers. But I have learned to just go with things around here.
It was just one of those moments... having "I AM DIFFERENT" staring me in the face. Reminding me I am so fortunate. I remember when I was a kid I would complain when I had to wait til Dad got his next paycheck to get new shoes, and I felt poor because mom wouldn't buy be Abercrombie & Fitch clothes like the other kids who seemed to come from families with more money. I had no idea how fortunate I was. It's funny how one might feel as rich as their surroundings. Because I grew up in the suburbs where there were lots of kids that went to school with me from families with more money, I felt somewhat poor compared to them. Dad dropping me off at school in his Ford Festiva, my friends getting dropped off in fancy SUVs. Pfffff. I was definitely rich in comparison to most children here. Perspective.
I won't forget that day. I'm glad I was there and that I got to know the teachers like that. By the end of the session it was like we were all best friends. That afternoon we ate cake and danced and they taught me some moves. They're such good people.
Well tonight it's pupusa night! I went and ate beans and tortillas for lunch with an old lady friend. I like to visit the old ladies that live alone... they are so sweet and love to have visitors, but unfortunately don't get many because they mostly talk about how much their knees and their backs hurt. But I find other things to talk about usually. And I like checking up on them... I can't imagine how lonely they are. And poor Rosa... she runs a store by herself and she's always letting people take things from her without paying. Kind of like putting it on a tab... but she says they dont always come back to pay, and they get mad when she asks them to. I'm like, stop doing that! People are taking advantage of the sweet little old lady.
This week I am going to a mandatory Peace Corps In-Service Traning. At least it's in a really nice part of the country at a place that serves good food!
Ok, I could go on forever, but it's almost pupusa time!
Paz y Amor.
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I love you, my sweet Amy Lou.
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