Machismo? No thank you!

OK! So I will admit.... Christmas here in my site wasn't TOO bad. It was different. And although I would have much rather had a more American style Christmas, I am still glad that I was able to be here in my site for this one. Definitely has helped gain a little more confianza. So here in The Savior they don't celebrate Xmas on the 25th like Americans do... they do their big shabang on the 24th. In my site there was no formal exchanging of gifts- to celebrate they just get together and eat a lot and give the kids fireworks to play with... usually without supervision. That sounds like a bad idea doesn't it? When I was concerned for a 7 year old that burned his hand and I was trying to help him, he looked at me and told me I should put a firwork in my chichis (boobs)... EXCUSE ME! Little butthead. I called him mal educado and scolded him for talking to me like that. The womanizing starts young around here.

But anyway- so my 24th- I went to my 12 year old neighbor's birthday party. It was cute. They had a very good mariachi band that was actually from Santa Clara, my first training community. At the party most people just sat their and stared at the band- while this one bolo was the only one dancing... he was so drunk that he knocked over the drumset a few times when dancing a little to close to the band. He was ridiculous- and when I wouldn't talk to him he got mad and made an announcement to all the people at the party about me. I didn't quite understand what he said but it was something like "Listen up everyone, we have someone here today that is NOT from this country..." I wish I could have understood more of what he said. But i dont speak bolo. They also had hired people to film and take pictures at the party. So this one guy was walking around the whole time with the video camera.... and he would come and put it in front of my face and just leave it there while I was eating. A little awkward. Especially when he would move it down to get the sandwhich in the shot... although I'm pretty sure it wasn't just the sandwhich he was trying to get. Bah. I was eating Pan Relleno....it was my first one. Basically a huge chicken sandwhich that is traditional xmas time food. It was good, but I wasn't super impressed. I ate the whole thing though and was pretty full. Forgetting I had made plans to go eat more Pan Relleno at my neighbor Alicia's house later that night. I still went and ate her's too... and WOW! Her's was amazing! She had yummy sauces and repollo, which was a creamy cabbage mix. I went over there and hung out until 10... it was nice. She's a nice lady. Her 10 year old daughter Ena and I are good buddies.

So that was my uneventful Christmas... Then yesterday the 25th I spent the morning cleaning my house up. I don't deep clean it enough. I found some scary looking animales hidden behind stuff in the corners. Spiders scorpions and some very scary worm like thing with tons of legs and pinchy looking things on its head. EEK! This is why women spend all morning every morning haciendo limpieza. Because if they don't you end up with a lot of unwanted visitors.

By the time I was done killing all of my bad roommates, I was ready to take my bucket bath. So I went over to the house... then saw that my bucket I use for bathing was filled with raw meat! Now i don't know if I ever want to use that bucket again. I probably will though, it should clean up ok. And a little raw beef on your body can't harm you. I ate the carne asada for lunch though, it was good and totally worth not taking a bath for.

So by noonish my house and front yard was swarming with people and the Ranchera music was blasting. This rodeo is kinda legit. But a bit much to have in your front yard. Luckily I got in for free :) I should anyway... it's at my house! There was this host guy who kind of leads the show and walks around with the microphone talking about what's happening the whole time, usually with a beer in his hand. I thought it was pretty funny when he was leading the crowd in prayer with a Pilsener in his hand... Especially when about an hour earlier he said to the Muchachos of the rodeo, "Muchachos- here you can dance, you can drink and you can chingar (F***) and your woman can't say anything. You are safe here. Here we are the rulers, muchachos!" That made me want to puke. AGH! That is not ok.... Frikin machismo. I hate it.

And then at one point they tried to get me to go dance with the bolos in the ring- thank god that didn't happen. I love to dance- but I forget how wildly inappropriate people can be in public here sometimes. I'm used to Rodeos being more PG family affairs. I did dance a little at the end of the night though...And even though I kept my distance from the guy- plenty of space between us and I dancing conservatively- I am sure that still got people talking. But whatever... it was just dancing. Thank goodness my girlfriends are coming today!

To take a bath last night I had to go to my neighbor's house, where Milton lives. I cut my arm up on the barbed wire just trying to get through their gate. My hands were kind of full, so that made it harder. When I was over there I met the 24 year old boyfriend of Antonia, Milton's 13 year old 8th grade sister. It makes me sad... because she's such a sweet, smart girl with so much potential... and it's likely she is very close to giving up her future by dating an older man like that.

Sorry, I'm not painting a very pretty picture of this place today am I? But i'm not exaggerating or making thing up. I just tell it like I see it. Do I sound like I am being judgemental? Am I being too hard on these people?

It's just.... these cultural differences are so in my face all time. I doubt that I will ever stop noticing them.

Ok! I'm going to get myself out of the house and be social!

Paz y Amor.

P.S. Milton is slowly getting better. The other night I went to hang out with him and I showed him how to make shadow animals with a flashlight in the dark. He liked that. Oh Milton. Please don't grow up to be a machisto.

Is the Honeymoon over?

This week I have felt a shift in how I feel about living here. I still love that I am in El Salvador and what I am here to do... I guess I just feel like the honeymoon is over. I feel a little more irritated by the bokking of the chickens and the smell of the latrine and the neighbors always being in my business. This is normal. I remember during training they said that around 5 or 6 months in you will probably look around and be like "I gave up my comfy American life for this?"

Haha... I wanted to believe that I would be different... that I would continue to be as love drunk with living abroad in this country now as I did then. But they were right. I think it's just the holiday season. That this is the first year in my life that I have ever spent away from my family on Christmas. I don't get Christmas this year. I get a rodeo with all of my salvo campo peeps (which by the way I woke up at 5:30 am today to the sound of them setting up the stadium for this rodeo 25 feet in front of my house...).

And yes, I am here in this beautiful place that is filled with loving people who I know care for me... But there's something about being here for Christmas that is making me feel very alone. my family didn't really do anything big for Christmas these last few years, but at least I was surrounded by the spirit of it. Being here I don't feel it. It doesn't look like Christmas. Being in this remote Salvadorian village, the only gringa, not always being able to accurately express myself, the only one that does not want to eat tamales on the 24th.... It's just hitting me now. I want to see a Christmas tree on the 25th. I want to eat pancakes for breakfast, and open a present, and spend my day on the couch watching movies with my family and my pups in my lap. I want to be cold and wear a winter coat. I want to be home.

It is hard for me to admit these things. I have been avoiding blogging because I don't want to be on here all the time with negativity and bum anyone out. I would love to always be making everyone proud- to appear strong. As if I am facing this journey head on, unflinching. But I am me, and I can only be real. And I don't have to pretend I am something I am not. Also, it's good for me to get this out... There's nothing so wrong with being a little homesick anyways is there? I do get to come home in February... a week ago I was feeling invincible and unstoppable and saying that I don't want to go home in February, it feels too soon. But what a difference a week makes, and a holiday alone. Now I am very much looking forward to tasting Texas.


Now enough of the pity party- onto some more positive things....

First of all- Milton is home!!!! He has to stay in his bed at his house- but I have been walking over to see him and this morning I brought him some grapes and we watched a movie while I peeled the skins off for him.
I am working and trying to keep busy still. My youth group got together yesterday to clean up the old clinic. We made great progress in just one day. Today we are going back to clean the walls and mop the floors... I was disappointed though when Chepito told me I can't use my bright pink paint for the building. He says because it's an institutional building owned by the government it has to be the same blue and white that all of the government buildings are. Boo! That seems ridiculous to me. It would look so much better painted. And it has just been sitting there for 10 years never being used... and it probably never will be used for it's intended purpose in the future. Just let me paint it with the kids! Grrrr.... I wonder if there is someone else I can talk to about this. The kids and I were going to paint beautiful murals and everything. It will be interesting to see where this youth group is headed.... yesterday they were already super excited about hanging out in the new space... practicing their dancing on the semi-clean floor.

Monday I am getting a girls soccer team started with some youth.... I still know very little about soccer. Everytime I play I sign up to be the goalie! But I am excited to learn more about how to actually play. And then if we have enough girls I'll bring my team up to Jamie's site and we can play against the girls team she has over there.

Allrighty- well let's hope things don't get too wild and crazy out here this weekend with the rodeo in my front yard! But you know what- maybe that's what I need out here in my town- for things to get a little wild and crazy. It's been a little too quiet, tranquilo, and boring out here for me lately. Let's liven it up! Although I had one Salvo tell me that you gotta watch out at these things- sometimes if there aren't enough police, people will come with their guns and start shooting the guns up in the air and around all crazy. Eek! That would be too much for me. From what I am told, we will have many police around.

Like my brother Evan told me:

"Oh, there’s no place like a rodeo for the holidays,

‘Cause no matter how far away you roam,
When you pine for the swine and a friendly gaze,
For the holidays, you can’t beat rodeos, sweet rodeos."

And so, maybe my honeymoon is over, but there are still many good times and great things in store for me here. There will be bad days or even bad weeks.... but I know that in the end I will probably feel like I loved those times too. Because it is all part of the experience.

Paz y Amor.

Some Pics for Y'all!

This is the building that I am working on fixing up to have a place for meetings and activities with youth!

As you can see, it's a little messy! 10 years it has been sitting there not being used.

Me and my buddy Milton when I visited him at the Children's Hospital in San Salvador. Love my little man!

From the Peace Corps vs. JICA soccer game at the Cuscatlan Stadium in San Sal. You can see me (a little cut off) on the very bottom right.

A beautiful view of the ocean while I had a great lunch!

EXITO

My first youth group meeting was an exito (SUCCESS)!!! I have to admit, going into it, I was a little nervous. I just really wanted things to go well with it. And so I got there at 1, SUPER early for the meeting that was to start at 2. I spent time arranging chairs and putting up paper on the wall we would use for our brainstorming. I put out the sign-in sheet and the cookies and Coke I bought for them. And then 2:00 came and no one was there. I shouldn't have been so surprised, after all this is El Salvador where people are always on la hora salvadorena... and I'm not always right on time to everything but the fact that these kids were so late really pissed me off. It made me feel like it wasn't important to them- but to me it's all that I had been working on for days and I didn't want to feel like I was wasting my time.

So I sat there laying down on a concrete ledge by the entrance of the school and FINALLY at 2:30 on the dot up walked a huge group of kids. Half an hour late really isn't too bad for El Salvador. And now I know to schedule my meetings for half an hour before I actually want them to start. I had about 25 salvo teeny boppers, not a bad turnout. I don't want my group to be bigger than I can handle. We played a few games and then talked about what kind of stuff they want to do with the group. A lot of kids want to do art and dance activities. On Wednesday we are meeting to cleanup the old clinic building so that we can have a place to do our activities. It is my hope to make it wonderful and pretty- a place the kids will want to come hang out at. Tomorrow I have to go to San Vicente and buy a bunch of cleaning supplies. I am ready for some physical labor!!!

I went to visit Milton at the hospital in downtown San Salvador on Friday. He is doing all right. He was SO happy to see me walk in with Marinita and Chepito. He was all loopy on drugs the whole time I sat there and talked to him. They don't let him walk around, has to stay in the bed. I brought him a little toy car and showed him my new soccer ball I got at the mall... which he then punched as hard as he could and it went flying across the room, bringing the nurses to give me very dirty looks. The Children's hospital was a very sad place. I have never been in a hospital outside of the U.S.... it was very old and dirty and smelly... not the kind of place that you think anyone would be able to get well in. But Milton is resilient- he's pulling through. We are hoping he can come home around Christmas.

I spent the entire morning with Marinita before we went to the hospital. She invited herself to go to the mall with me- I needed to find some shoes I can run in. Being at the mall with that woman took a lot of paciencia on my part! She was scared to get on the escalator, pointed at everything we walked by and said what it was... por ejemplo "Here they sell clothes... Look there is a TV... Look there is Santa Claus..." and she felt like she had to stop every 50 steps and ask someone for directions. It was interesting. I can go easy on her, I know she doesn't get out much. I just never thought I'd ever even be at the mall with my host mom. And we went to the food court to get food- and of course she went straight to the only place in the entire food court that had pupusas! It was odd to her that I wanted to eat something other than pupusas. I guess because I jump at the opportunity for pupusas when I'm in my site... but that's because there aren't too many options for good food out here... but at the food court, I went for subway :)

Que mas? Thursday night I had Roxana, Milton's 16 year old sister, hanging out with me in my house. I like it when she visits me and I can get to know her better. Well, I was explaining to her what a blog was and pulled mine up to show her how it works, and she saw the Milton & Me entry and his picture and I told her all the good things I wrote about him in there.... and then came the water works. She feels so bad for her little brother, and partly responsible for what happened to him, because she's often put in charge of looking after him, as the oldest child. I handed her some kleenex and sat with her.... people around here don't talk about their feelings much. I don't know if it's because they don't know how to express them, or because they like to just pretend to be happy all the time... But I'm glad that I could be there for her. If she had been bawling and talking about it to anyone else, I'm not sure they would have even acknowledged her feelings. That's something I've learned- I can't communicate with Salvos like I do Americans. Whenever I get sentimental or start sharing feelings most of them just get a little weird.
I played in the Peace Corps soccer game on Saturday against JICA- the Japanese Peace Corps. The girls team kicked ass... and I was the goalie :) I like being goalie! We dominated those Japanese girls, they never even came close to trying to score on us. So I really did just stand there at the goal the whole time cheering my girls on... Worked on my tan... haha!

I was lucky enough to have some time to swing on down to the beach this weekend to get a little more sun! It's SO close! Another beautiful thing about El Salvador, the beach we went to was less than an hour away! And I can go there in December!!! The water wasn't even cold at all.... Wow.... This is where I live?

This coming weekend is my village's annual rodeo, and I am excited that some of my best girl friends will be coming here for it! My town will be very interested in my gringa friends I am sure.

It has been days since I blogged and I may have lost my flow a little... but there's the update for ya! Now it's time to descansar en la hamaca.

Paz y Amor.

P.S. Apparently there was an earthquake here today... I didnt even feel it! I was 45 min from home when it happened and how is it that they felt it here and I didn't feel it there? Esther felt it out in the department over! I'm a little bummed I missed it. I want to know what an earthquake feels like. And I heard that they said on the news it was a 5.5. I don't know if I believe it.

P.P.S. 5 months ago today I arrived in El Salvador... that sounds like quite a big chunk of time doesn't it?? But how it flew. Still alive! Going strong :)

Some Things Suck

Man- Where to start?

Sometimes there are things about life that just suck.

Where is my sudden pessimism coming from you may wonder? Well I went to the capital for medical and a training with the woman from my town that everyone keeps warning me about- and then I came back to find my 3 month old puppy was dying and Milton was in the hospital in San Salvador because he fell into a tamale pot and got severely burned. The two most joyful things about my site weren't there.

Milton's situation is a tough one to swallow. I love that kid. He is my best and most loyal friend. And as much as I hate to say it- I can't say I was particularly surprised. The way he runs all around the place and out into the streets unsupervised, I kind of knew something would happen to him eventually. But pobrecito, that should not have happened to him. Maybe his mom will start trying to look after him better.

With Terry, my chuchito favorito- I sat there and watched him go. It was upsetting because there was nothing I could do for him. If I was with him back home I would have gotten in a car and taken him to the 24 hour clinic. But that's not the way it is out here. People just view animals and life differently. No need to care for your dog, when it dies you can just get a new one. Marinita said that to me, "Primero Dios we will find another good little puppy for you Amy..." I said "But Marinita- No Quiero otro if it's just going to die a slow and painful death like this one!"

Of course, with the next one I could take it to the vet and make sure it got all of it's vaccines it needed and everything.... [the subject of vaccines/shots brings me to another rant- about how Marinita and Chepito just will inject all living things with whatever all the time. A cow seems sick- they gave it 12 huge full injections of some anti-parasitic stuff... it died the next day. They gave my dog an anti-parasitic shot... died the next day. They aren't doctors... you can't just guess what the animal needs and just pump whatever inside of them. Marinita is always getting her neighbor to inject her with stuff for her "gripe" which is supposed to be like the flu or a cold- but with her it's got to be something else- probably from inhaling smoke over the comal while she cooks 3 times a day. It just irritates me to see these people who are clearly uneducated about medicine making the choices that seem to be soooo wrong] But anyway- if I gave my pup vaccinations and vet care then it really would be MY dog and I will be too scared to leave him with Marinita and Chepito that will feed him all kinds of things that will make him sick. Maybe this "you can just get another one" attitude is the same manner of thought Milton's mom has about her kids- "eh, let em run wild and fall into the tamale pot... I have 8 other kids and can always have another..."

Man... sometimes it is so evident how different the people are here.... Of course, not all mothers here are so careless with their children. I know tons of great parents down here that have great kids!

So sorry for the pessimism. It's bound to come out from time to time. And it goes to show how extreme the ups and downs of Peace Corps can really be. Last night I came walking into my house sobbing for Milton and for my dog.... Tonight I came home after a long day of going on an excursion with the 9th graders to find myself feeling extremely happy! All it took was one check of my email to get wonderful news about something that will help me immensely with my work here. Thank you Carol and Jim!

And so it goes... There will always be the sucky things.... But they make you appreciate the good things so much more. At least we can hope...

Paz y Amor.

Magic Monday & Cows Don't Play Soccer

It's days like yesterday that make me appreciative to be where I am. Yesterday was a Monday. As any American that holds a steady M-F job knows, having a case of the Mondays blows. I used to have these. Actually as a teacher, my case of the Mondays usually started on Sundays. Stressing out about all the lesson plans to turn, all the papers and notebooks I didn't grade, the parents I needed to call. Sure, it got easier as time went on, as anything does, but the case of the Mondays persisted all the way to final exams.

Being in Peace Corps sure does beat the daily grind of your M-F, 8-5. I am in charge of my job, my schedule, and have to kind of be my own boss. Life tastes different this way. Will I ever be able to go back to a real job? I never want to find myself working in a job that is not meaningful to me ever again. Such as waiting tables or working in an office sitting at a desk all day. When you spend more hours of your week working rather than with those you love- I feel like you better love what you do. And I love the business of helping people. Helping people help themselves.

But what's all this for? I was simply going to say. I had the best Monday ever yesterday. The kind of Monday that would never happen in Houston, not even if I called in sick to work, because I would know I have to go on Tuesday and then Tuesday I'd have the case of the Mondays.

I woke up and spent the morning hours relaxing, reading, writing, listening to Flaming Lips in my hammock. My hammock is my new classroom/office space. All Salvadoran business can be done from a hammock. My hammock comes in second only to my mosquito net as my most prized posession. I drank my instant coffee with pleasure and made scrambled eggs with all the vegetables i bought from the back of a pickup truck the day before. And when the afternoon came I decided I was ready to face the world. I walked around my community and visited all my favorite people. This is work! This is my job... because in doing house visits I get to know my people, get confianza, and know more about what they need. In doing house visits yesterday I was taking care of business. Recruiting for my new youth group, and I found out many people are interested in getting help with an NGO I'm connected with. So really... it was a productive afternoon! My favorite part of the afternoon was singing church songs on a mic with the kids. They think I can sing. LoL.

I visited Delmi, who has invited me to go to this workshop with her on Saturday. I'm happy to go with her, and was really looking forward to working with her.... Then when I came home and talking to Don Chepito about how I talked about starting a woman's group with her, the beef was revealed. He says, "Esa mujer es mala. She's dangerous, she has no friends in the community, no body wants to work with her.." and I sat and listened to him go on.... and on... Then Don Tulio joined in- saying if I hang around her I will be affected in very bad ways. So the drama begins.

Yes Chepito and Marinita are my peeps, but just because they aren't friends with someone doesn't mean I can't be. This woman worked quite well with the last volunteer from what I understand and is active in various other groups outside the community. This sounds to me like one of those things that goes way back- like something happened between her and others decades ago and they still hate each other for it but they may not even be sure why anymore. Chepito could hardly give me any good reason for the malos sentidos. The best he could give me was that she sent him an angry letter once because there was a party for the extremely poor kids in the community and they didn't invite her kids. And believe me, her kids are really poor. So I'm still going to this training. I do what I say I'm gonna do. But I may not be able to create a women's group with her if she doesn't get support from others. It would ideal to be able to help smooth things over and unify these people some. Chepito said, "No one can get any work done in this community... people won't work together." Sounds like he is part of the problem... holding grudges against people so strong he won't be associated with them. Granted I don't know the history between them. But as the town President I feel like he could build bridges rather than let 'em burn. And he he prides himself in his good Catholic Christian qualities...

Speaking of being good Christians- Marinita and her posse are getting up at 4:30 am every morning this month and going to the church and singing on the loudest speakers in the town to Dios. They do it again into the night. I am in the bed all the time hearing her singing... It's a little funny... another example of how there is no such thing as disturbing the peace around here.

I FINALLY got myself up for my 5:30 run this morning. When I got down to the field, I thought Dios Mio there are a ton of cows on the soccer field. What asshole brings there herd of cows to graze and shit all over the soccer field? I'm a little scared running around them somtimes... I've heard about them attacking friends of mine. And what do those Spanish bullfighters do that's so special to piss off a bull? And the cow patties are everywhere on the field, I have to remain conscious of them as I run to dodge them. When the teams come to play every afternoon they shouldn't have to be cleaning up the copious amounts of poo to play.

So I'm on lap 3.... Chepito enters the field. Those are your cows Don Chepito!? En serio? As president of the ADESCO I'm shocked he would do something so inconsiderate. He owns so much land he could take them to. But it's more convenient for him to take them to the nice open field. Ay ay ay. I don't need to let this bother me so much. There are worse things in life than patties on a field. But still... of all people... Chepito?

Can you see the spots all over? No sirve!



One of the damage dookiers. That's bull.

Today I have real plans, unlike my enchanting Monday of the hammock and house visits. I have youth group stuff all afternoon, and then tonight I'm going to a vela, a wake, because my counterparts uncle that was very close to him died. These velas go on all night long I am told. I would like to just go for a few hours. But it might be one of those things I just have to do like they do. Sitting all night in the living room of Ariel's house with his dead uncle in the open casket. Man... sounds a bit creepy to me.

Paz y amor.

P.S. Today is a mac n cheese kind of day :)

Microwaves Microphones and Magnificence

Was sitting in the casa yesterday and this random guy walks up to the house with this brand new MICROWAVE oven!!! Hell yess! I am very excited about this. Flor, Marinita's daughter sent it to them for Christmas via one of those guys that transports stuff for cheap between the states and here. She doesn't even want it. She says she will never use it. Says that eating microwaved food gives you cancer. So it's mine. Muchas Gracias Florcita!! Merry Christmas eh?

We had our last Asamblea General of the year yesterday. Don Chepito had me go around with him in his pick up and a huge loud megaphone with a microphone hooked up to... I was the one announcing the meeting and inviting people. I was a little nervous to have my voice on the loud speakers like that at first. But it was fun... I love microphones. And I asked Chepito... "How's my accent? Do I sound like a gringa?" And he replied, "No now you are already starting to sound like one of us!" And he meant it. So that's cool. Except for that when I moved to this campo town, I couldn't understand a lot of what people were saying to me. So I hope that when I leave people from other places will be able to understand my Spanish ok. But it's a cool feeling.

The meeting was long and kinda boring. At the end though we announced the winner of the baby bull. We had cut up all the pieces of paper with everyone's name on them and put them in a pot to pull out the name of the winner. There were hundreds of names in there. So you would think you would just shake the pot and have someone pull out the one piece of paper with a name on it and that would be the winner of the cow right? Well that's not how they did it. They made it as complicated, anticlimactic and drawn out as possible. Instead they had 5 people, and each person pulled out a paper one by one and read the name of the person who didn't win out loud. So we had to listen to hundreds of names be called before we got down to the very last folded up piece of paper that was the winner. I didn't get it. I guess the only good reason for doing that would be because people could hear their name and know there paper was in there for sure and the whole thing was rigged. But this also backfired a little because some people complained that they bought 5 tickets and only heard their names once. Oops.

So I was sitting at a Subway today eating my Italianisimo sub sandwich and looking around at where I was... and I just felt happy. It's the best feeling in the world to feel like I am exactly where I want to be. There's no where else in the world that I would rather be than right here in this little gem of a beautiful country. I can't remember ever feeling so content, at ease, and whole as I have since I have settled in here. Thank god I made the decision to take that leap to get myself here. It was effin scary making that decision... and now that I'm on the other side of all the fear- I can tell I am stronger. Wonderful.

I have several projects moving forward in my community now. My relationships with my American and Salvo friends only get stronger. I don't think I have ever been so close with non-American people in my whole life. For lack of better words- it's so cool!

I feel like the luckiest person alive.

Living proof. Follow your dreams! no matter how scary it is... Change is scary. But necessary and good... Be free.

LOVE! Paz y amor!

Milton & Me

Milton and I have been bonding lately on a whole new level. When I first came back from PST2 he tried to pretend like he forgot who I was. He was mad that I left for so long. But since I left for Thanksgiving and came back again I think he is starting to realize that when I leave, I don't leave forever. He is without a doubt my favorite person in my site. When I see him and I can see how genuinely happy he is to see me my heart melts.

We had a good day together today. He likes to chill by my side while I do everything. I think he likes it because I talk to him and pay attention to him, even while I am busy doing something else. And he is an excellent helper too. He follows me everywhere... after I wash my dishes he helps me put my dishes away. When I hang my clothes on the line, he hands my my clothes pins. He loves to help. My favorite is watching him help Chepito herd the cows.

It's safe to say I've fallen for this kid. So you can imagine how it gets to me when I hear him crying outside my house at night. A few nights ago I heard him doing just that… and this wasn’t the first time. What happens is his family goes back to their house without him, which is on the other side of the dark pasture. That must make him feel so terrible and abandoned. They just leave him and forget about him. Why would you do that to your 3 year old? It's not just me right? That's not cool. He often has to find his way across the field without being able to see. He’s only a baby. When you’re a little guy like that I’m sure that big dark field feels even mas grande. And he gets lost out there in the dark and doesn’t know which way to go. And he could step in cow poo, and there are snakes. I hear him cry, walk out my door and find him standing out there. We walk to his house together with my flashlight. I would be scared walking across that field myself without a light.

And thank you for the toothbrushes mom and dad. Milton had a great time learning how to brush his teeth. He doesn’t communicate with words to clearly but I can tell he likes it. He comes to my door regularly now and points to his mouth. “Quiere cepillarse?” I say, and he nods yes. And we brush together and I sing that brush your teeth song that Aunt Jodi always sang to me when I was a kid.

Oh Milton. I’m glad I can be here for you. For the next couple years at least.

Paz y Amor.

P.S. I know... lately I have been a blogging machine. I am just making up for lost time while I was waiting to replace my mac. And I think I'm going to keep this purple Spanish computer after all. I am learning out to use it just fine... it's really kind of cool. I'm going to be grant writing and doing other work in Spanish one day anyway, so it's perfect that I am well equipped for that.

Last night I woke up at 1 am to some strange noises. There are some chickens that live on my front and back porch that make a lot of noise at night, but I didn't recognize the noise as them. The dogs were barking. I have been a little more nervous when I hear these noises at night ever since a volunteer friend of mine told me about two men trying to break into her house at night not too long ago. She blew her whistle and they ran away. But the story made me not want to sleep with earplugs in anymore. I want to be able to hear what's going on around me. So after laying there with wide eyes for about half an hour I slithered out of my mosquito net to bring my giant orange plastic whistle and my cell phone to bed with me. If I were at home in Texas I would've had the revolver. Maybe that's not very Peace Corps of me... but it's in my blood. Anyway, I finally fell asleep another half hour later. I woke up this morning and talked to Marinita about it. She said that Chepito was out there at 1 am because the baby cows were fighting with the new baby cow we brought in for the raffle. Ganging up on him. So ok, maybe I should chill out and not be so nervous when I hear things go bump in the night?

P.P.S. Quote of the day: "Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called "walking" -the W

Eggcellent!

The internet is too good on my new computer... I can't get myself away from it. Well... I did get myself away from it to wash my clothes all morning. I am going to have to start limiting myself to only using it for a few hours a day. Like a few hours at night to keep me company. It's great company. Ok so after today... I will cut back. Today has been kinda productive with all the lavar-ing of the ropa. It took me 3 hours... 2 big blankets, towels, sheets, and clothes. Oy vey. It's bueno para el cuerpo I will tell you that. I have actually started to kind of enjoy washing my clothes on the rock. I listen to my ipod and sing while I scrub away. Music makes everything better.

And this afternoon I have a meeting with a few community leaders about getting my youth group started. The more I think about starting a dance group the more weary I am of doing it. I feel like I should start first with something I know I will be successful with. Por ejemplo, art. I can do art classes. These kids have never learned any creative expression beyond a paper and pencil really. And I'm kinda artsy fartsy when it comes to painting and coloring and making arts and crafts. The only question is where will the money come from for supplies? Well... as a matter of fact yesterday I wrote up and turned in my very first grant proposal! I asked for close to $500 to help pay for youth group activities. We are also talking about getting a theatre group started. Lo mas importante is that we get these kids doing something productive and meaningful in their free time. They have nothing to do. And therefore little to no self-confidence that they are capable of doing anything. So... here's hopin'. Wish me luck.

I am really settling in quite well to this country. I feel comfortable. No more awkward. I can understand people when they talk to me with little confusion, even with their thick campo accents. And there are endless possibilities for good. Yesterday I posted a quote on my facebook, "The amount of happiness you have depends on the amount of  freedom you have in your heart." For me this is so true. I could go in depth explaining exactly why this is so true for me, but I think you all can figure it out. No need to get tooooo cheezy.

Yesterday I was doing some house visits... There's this one house that I like to visit that has 3 crazy sisters. They are just so quirky. And they LOVE me. I exchanged bracelets with 12 year old Yulisa. She is one of the ones begging me to start a dance group. I gave her my bracelet I bought at super selectos last weekend that says "No Hay Imposibles" and she gave me two pretty little beaded bracelets. Her aunt Jilda is nuts, and has this huge big blue eyes and gold rims around all her teeth. She touched my legs and was genuinely shocked to find that I shave my legs. To Campo Salvo women that is unheard of. You should have seen her face. It was pure disgust. But sorry- I'm not going to go that far with my integration to grow things out. That family is too much fun, those women just have a lot more personality than your typical woman around here. They live next to the slaughterhouse though where the bolo (drunk) family lives.

I haven't gone running in the cancha since before PST2. I keep telling myself, tomorrow. I was so into it before training... Can't wait to get it back. Tomorrow will be the day. I just need to let my lady friends know, they are the reason I was getting myself out of bed to get started before.

In other news, Ladies and Gentleman, I have finally- after 24 years- learned how to properly crack and egg! This is wonderful. My whole life i was splitting in on the edges of bowls, usually getting lots of shell in the mix and raw egg everywhere. Well... did you know you only need to tap it on a flat surface? it's a clean break... no more shell pieces. It's the simple things.

Paz y Amor.

Reconnected...

.... With internet that is!!! Yes my friends... I no longer have to live in the dark for I have a netbook. I went to Office Depot the day before coming back to the capital and found my a pretty purple little HP netbook. I was so mesmerized by how nice looking it was, you all know how much i love purple, that it wasn't until after the purchase and I got it home that I realized the damn thing is in spanish. The keyboard, and the computer itself. This can be problematic. Its not easy learning how to use this thing... the keys say one thing but they do another. It took me hours to figure out just how to make the @ sign. Well I didn't even figure it out, I had to call of the help of others. Soooo, i'm trying to decide if I should part with it and find another, call the store and see if they have an english version or just learn how to use a computer in spanish. Which who knows, could be useful for my job here. One of my program goals is to teach computing to youth... so it would be a good thing to learn. Meh, we'll see.

Thanksgiving was 4 days of heaven in the capital. I was too spoiled with hot showers and good food and not having to ride the bus... So coming back to San Vi was a much needed reality check I suppose. I have to honest. I didn't want to come. I would probably stay in the capital forever if I could... it's too much like home. But anyway, give me a couple of days and I will be loving my campo life again. I came into the pueblo to get some food from the super selectos so at least I wouldn't have to go from the gourmet thanksgiving food straight to nothing but Marinita's beans and cheese. Did I tell you how much I hate the cheese here? Cuajada or Queso Fresco is what they call it. It has grown on me a little... and I mean very little. I am able to at least get it down now... But it's so not good. They take the milk fresh from the cow every morning. Put it in a bucket, throw in some kind of pill that makes it curdle and then they squeeze out all the liquid and voila, you have your stanky cheese. Marinita has caught on to my dislike for it, I haven't even had to tell her. She notices what I do and don't eat. That woman is great. She loves me. When I got back from the capital yesterday she was just walking out of my house after giving it a good sweep. I tell her she doesn't have to do that. But it's kinda nice having a mom that cleans up after me. Not even my Mexican mother Juana (aka: Gringa mom Jane) would clean up after me. And so it is... I can appreciate my campo life and my campo family. And if I can make it so that I can get a few trips into the capital several times a week well then... I just might happily make it through my two years here with out having [too many] mental breakdowns.

This will be a busy week for me. I have meetings to get my youth group going... The kids want a dance group. So we're gonna try it, although I have never taught any coreographed dance in my life. But I can fake it. I can always pull up some stuff on youtube... the worlers in the PC office Im sure will have a great time watching me dance my heart out in front of a computer. This week we also have the big Asamblea to announce the winner of the baby cow raffle. I have $3 with my name on tickets... So who knows, I could be the proud mama of a baby cow? what am I going to do with a pet cow you might be wondering. Welll.... I will let her frollick in my front yard with the others... and protect her from the slaughter house and the injections with dirty needles from Don Chepito. And she will have an adorable name... like what? what is a good baby cow name? Oprah? lol.....

I missed a big wedding in my town while I was out for the San Sal turkeypalooza. Apparently the millionaire man that grew up in my canton flew the couple in for their grand entrance on a helicoptor. Then he gave people rides in the helicoptor. I missed out. But we're friends, maybe he will come in on it again someday. Pretty fancy for a campo wedding huh.

Allright I better finish with my new facebook photos and get to the store before I miss the midday bus back home. Hope you folks back home have a happy holiday! Love and miss y'all... but i'll be seeing you soon!!!

Paz y amor.
Mariposa.

Eyebrows are Raised

Back in the capital again. I am too comfortable right now. Laying on a big cushy sofa with a laptop, watching Friends on cable on a really big flat screen tv. Hot showers. Hollie and Katherine, my fellow PCV guests in this palace, are downstairs making us pancakes and bacon. Could it get any better than this? As it turns out, I was able to have a classic American Thanksgiving here in El Salvador. I didn't know how much I would appreciate it... but I would have been sad if I missed the holiday and did nothing. I just realized this is the first time ever that I didn't have Thanksgiving with my family. But we got to talk on the phone and they put up great pictures for me to see on Facebook documenting their "turkeypalooza." As for me, my turkeypalooza was complete with all the trimmings. I especially enjoyed my vino. One of my friends was diggin the food so much. A little too much... in fact it all came up only about an hour after the food coma set in. That's how excited some of us were about this dinner.

Thanksgiving has to be my favorite holiday of all. It's better than Christmas I think. You don't have to worry about getting presents or anything. 

So before I left for the capital I learned about some happenings that raised my eyebrows. 

My host dad's cousin owns a restaurant on the Panamerican highway that is really pretty nice. It has a juke box and a cute little pool. I had been there several times to eat and went to a baby shower there once. Well Don Chepito informed me that Nina Chavela had to give her business up. Apparently a few weeks ago some mareros came in and told her that she would have to start paying them. SO she gave up her restaurant and sold it to a pimp and now its a whore house apparently.

The next brow raiser has to do with the upcoming jaripeo, or rodeo, that we will be having in my front yard on christmas and the day after. Being from Texas, you know I love me a good rodeo and so I was really looking forward to it... until Don Chepito filled me in on what a s*it show it will most likely be. They hire a company that offers a full rodeo package. This includes entertainment with mariachis, ranchera bands, dancing horses and.... a whore, of course. I was like what!? excuse me! he said that there is some lady named Selena that is paid to come flirt with the men. And that last year she was dancing with my neighbor Don Artilio (who before this I thought was a respectable man) and that she asked him "where do you want to kiss me?" and he ended up kissing her in a very bad place in front of everyone, for all the crowd to see. Call me a prude... but now I am really not looking forward to this. There will be a gazillion bolos and crazy people all right in front of my house for 2 full days. It shocks me that my host parents, being the seemingly sctrictest catholics in the town, would endorse such a raunchy event. Oy vey.

Que Wow

Holy moly shmoly... my mind is all over the place right now. Just trying to process many things- the last two and a half weeks out of my site, being around other gringos constantly, speaking mostly english the whole time, staying in nice hotels with comfy beds and a/c, cable tv and internet.... that's enough to mess with me as i get ready to go back to the campo life in a few hours.

To further flood my mind with preoccupations- the loss of my fancy macbook has brought me down. It certainly is not the end of the world. I can be greatful for my good health, my wonderful community, my good friends. And there are much worse things that could happen to me around here than losing my computer. Plus, I knew when I brought it down here there was the risk of losing it. Just frikin sucks. As you all know, I am an avid blogger. It helps keep me sane, being able to type something up and share my experiences with people back home, or wherever my readers may be. I also was in the habit of watching a tv episode or a movie on my laptop before i went to bed every night. It was good company for when I was alone in my house. And I finally had found an internet stick that kinda worked and allowed me to chat with people and check email from my site. It brought so much comfort to me that one electronic device. At the same time, maybe I was a little too dependent on it. Maybe it really is for the best. Maybe it was kharma's way of telling me I was spending too much time on the thing. That i need to disconnect from home a little and connect more with being here. It may be a blessing. It will get me out of my house more... spending more time with the people I am really here for. And I can read a book at night instead of watching a mindless movie. We'll see how it goes. I may just end up replacing it with one of those cheap little notebook laptops when i go back to the capital next week for thanksgiving. LoL. Or we'll see what my property insurance can do for me. Maybe I can get them to help me replace it.

So a few more things that are screwing with me... Now that I am finally done with all of my training I stand here at the beginning of my service with a long road ahead of me. It's a little overwhelming to think about the big picture and ALL that I want to do in my community. And there is SO much that I have on my list. I know... just gotta take it one day or one week at a time.
So.... Que Wow!

Before I go- let me tell a bit about my PST2 experience... It was great. I got tons of useful information to help me with getting to work in my site. Among some of my projects that I plan to get started are a youth group, a women's group, teacher training, professional training/life planning for youth, and a new school roof for the very poor school in my community. There's just so much. But i'm gonna start with just one thing at a time, and slowly build on what i've got going.

So the first week of training was very informative, and not very exciting. When the weekend rolled around I went and stayed in my friends training community for the night where they were have a promotion for the television show Bailando por un Sueno that one of the PC El Sal volunteers has actually been competing on. Well she got kicked off the show the next night, but we were there to support her the night before. I got up on the stage there in the park for a little dance competition. I thought, FUN! Bailando por una camisa! (dancing for a t-shirt!) I got up there with my fellow gringa friend Ana... we were the last two to dance... When he said we had to do merengue and when I saw the first 2 latinas go ahead of us... I was like- uh oh- great. I like to dance, and I think i'm pretty good at it... but I can't usually out dance the latinas. They've got a good dancing gene... it's in their blood. So I didnt win. But we got it on video. Hopefully my friend will put it up on fbook soon.

What else? Went to the capital the next day. Being in the capital is so expensive. We all spent so much money and are going back today feeling broke. I ate at Tony Roma's, Pizza Hut, Wendy's, Sushi... all that really adds up. But it was kinda worth it. It was nice to get good ol' american things for a bit. There are many peace corps countries where doing that kind of thing is out of the question. Anyway... we went to a beautiful place in Ahuachapan where we stayed in pretty fancy luxurious cabins for the night, saw a beautiful waterful on a long hike. We went out a lot with friends during the last week and had a good time. I told my closest friends before leaving- "I'm gonna get cheezy on y'all for a sec. I really feel like PST2 has brought us closer." And it's true. I feel so lucky to be here with such a great friends... americans and salvos alike. They all make this experience worthwhile. El Salvador has one of the lowest early termination rates of all Peace Corps countries. It's no wonder. Salvos are great and we are only a skip and jump away from gringo time when we need it. And even with all that... it still gets hard.

Many say that Peace Corps is full of really high highs and really low lows. The longer I am here the more I experience the truth in that statement. So I've been feeling a little low lately... but I know that's just part of the journey. I'm looking forward to getting back to my site and seeing my friends there... and I know it won't be long before I'm up again.

I had a nice transition back to my site though. We went to our regional meeting yesterday and stayed the night in these very rustic cabins. It was good that I had to go there first after being spoiled in the capital. GOing there before going back to my site I really think is going to help me appreciate my little house. It's nicer than where we were last night. Sleeping on the floor on little pads... with tons of bugs all around. I hate sleeping without a mosquito net. I saw big spiders in there. And I was afraid they would crawl on me while I was sleeping. So I slept with the blanket over my head. Which is good for the feeling of protection, but kind of hot and suffocating at the same time. Me and Jamie were in there alone... scaring ourselves talking about the ghosts we had heard that are around there earlier that night. Apparently the place was on the land where a huge massacre had been during the war. Great. We felt like little girls again, like it was a first night at summer camp and we wanted to call our mom and dad to come pick us up. But we just told ourself to try to sleep, it would all be over in the morning. And we lived!!! It was fine :) lol.

And now, I need to get going. It's back to my site for a few days and then back to the capital for thanksgiving. So another few nights at a comfy house with good american food is really just less than a week away. It's nice to have things to look forward to. Even if it's just having pupusas for dinner.

Paz y Amor.

Bad Luck Buses

11-11-10
Almost halfway done with PST2. This week has been a lot of sitting in plastic chairs and learning about everything technical... from teaching english, to starting youth groups, to grant writing, to learning how to make flowers out of two liter coke bottles. It’s been a lot. I’m enjoying most of it and it feels good to get stuff I can really use in my site. A little over whelming at the same time. At the end of every session I feel like- I want to do that! And obviously I can’t do everything. Baby steps.
It has been an interesting week. Monday morning the bus broke down on our morning to commute to San Vi, so my friend and I footed it into the pueblo. It really wasn’t that bad. Not too far. A beautiful morning. I just hope that the bus never breaks down at a more inconvenient time or location. We had another bad luck moment with the bus yesterday evening when we were returning to our community. We were at the training center taking self-defense classes for the last hour of the day and caught the last bus home to our training communities. The traffic was backed up before we could cross the San Vi bridge... so by the time we got closer to home it was dark already. We were on the bus and the cobrador shouted out the name for our stop. As we got off we noticed that we were getting off in a spot that was different than usual because there was a curb and grass we were stepping on. But we just figured that the bus didnt pull up far enough to the open area... and we were too busy trying not to fall as we got off... So by the time we were grounded and looked around to realize we were not at the right place the bus had already taken off. Uh oh. But man, the guy on the bus said it was our stop! Lesson learned: look around carefully before you step off the bus. So it was a little after 6:30 and we had to walk about 3/4 of a mile on the side of the road in the dark to get home. We were a little scared yea. I said Good thing we just had those self defense classes. All we got were some cat calls from men in the cars passing by. Thank goodness I was not alone... that would have really been scary. We got home fine and safe. Relieved. And tonight we made sure to not make the same mistake again. Sorry if reading this freaks any of you out or makes you worry about my safety. You don't have to worry! I take good care of myself down here, k.
I learned something interesting today about how the private Universities here decide what tuition rates should be for each individual student. They do an estudio socioeconomico and come to your house to see how many TVs you have, how many cars you have and how nice your house is. If you have a lot of expensive stuff and it looks like you are rich, they give you a higher tuition rate. If you appear to live poor, you get a lower tuition. And they never notify you to let you know when they are coming. They just show up at your house, so that it’s harder for you to lie about it. If they find out that you lied about how much money you have to try to get a better rate, they will automatically give you the highest. Does that sound as messed up to you as it does to me?
Just a few other things- When writing a resume in El Salvador you have to put your age, marital status and PICTURE! That’s wrong... With as little opportunity as there is in this country, it’s not even equal opportunity. You have to know someone.

In the Name of Ray Bans & Reggae

I have the gripe. Essentially it’s a cold. I got it when the weather down here got all whacky and all of sudden got cold. I have gone days without sweating. It’s a miracle. It’s only 71 degrees but I’m freezing. It feels like what 55 felt like to me in Houston I think. It set in on Friday... but it didn’t stop me from going to Santa Ana for the PC soccer game with the other gringos this weekend. It was a blast... so much fun I forgot I even had a cold. 

To get there we had to take a bus to San Sal first... on the bus I had some old doctor man from san vicente standing next to me in the aisle the whole time talking to me really really loud. I was not at all interested in talking to him. I would ignore him and he just kept coming up with more stuff to talk about. He was nice enough though... And if I ever break a bone and need to go to the hospital there I am sure he will take good care of me. So we got to the terminal in San Sal,  where we found excellent Ray Ban knock offs for just $2 and ate lunch in the nastiest looking pupuseria. I’m surprised I can eat food from a place like that and not get food poisoning. I probably will jinx myself for saying it, but... I feel pretty invinsible. That I haven’t gotten sick with amoebas after all this time. My group members are dropping like flies. But I’m still going strong. Maybe it’s all the hot sauce I put on my food. Enough hot sauce, and the amoebas cant live. That’s my theory. And I’m stickin to it. Let’s just hope I’m not speakin to soon here. Although I do have gripe... so I’m not quite that invinsible am I. 

Santa Ana is the department in the West that borders Guatemala. It’s really nice out there. Beautiful- just a different feel. They get a lot more tourists out there for that reason too. No wonder. The city of Santa Ana is beautiful and clean with a nice park that has a gorgeous big white church unlike any I have seen. The city was also more alive than here where I live. We went for dinner in the park at a Mexican restaurant. The park was full of street vendors and live music. I bought a really cool handmade bracelet from a dreadlock salvo man who was making his jewelry right there on the street. We went to a really awesome reggae cafe later and jammed to good ol’ bob marley and beanie man. I forgot I was in El Salvador while I was there. Until we got ready to leave and piled into the back of a pickup truck. We stayed at great little hostel called The Casa Verde that we had all to ourselves and had a cool rooftop hangout with a gorgeous view of the city and the mountains. It was painted in bright colors, impeccably clean, and had hot showers too. I was in heaven when I took that shower in the morning. I stayed in it so long, blissfully, that everyone was downstairs waiting and ready to go as 7 am came and we needed to catch the bus. I just didnt want to get out. I had to hurry myself up and ended up running to catch the bus with my towel still on my head!

We took the bus from Santa Ana to Chalchuapa and once we got to the terminal there we ate pupusas for breakfast. Then later we got to the place where the soccer game was, the beautiful site of another volunteer. It was the first soccer field I have seen that wasn’t covered in dirt, rocks and cow poo. It had grass. Fancy! I was just planning on laying there in the grass the whole time. The weather could not have been more perfect. Sunny and breezy and not hot. I wasn’t feeling so hot after the long night we had, so I was really content with just laying in the grass. But then, the girls team was short one player. I was the only one that had a uniform. I said no. They begged. And so I took one for the team. The great thing about soccer is that you can just stand there and be a warm body on the field if you want. That’s basically what I was. I have no clue how to play that game. Lilah tried to pass me the ball once and I literally said “Oh my god” and just jumped over it. Haha. After that they switched me out with the goalie and I got to just stand in the little box for the rest of the game. Which worked out great... the other team didn’t ever come and make any shots at me. And it was in the shade. So it worked out perfectly... Made it on the team and through the game without even breaking a sweat. Maybe I’ll play next time. I can see how soccer could be fun. I should learn how to kick the ball though huh.

So now I am back in training community #2. Completed my first full day of PST2. Most of it was like a therapy session... we all sat around talking about our experiences in our sites. It was nice. Then this afternoon we learned how to make shampoo. It’s something I might want to do with my women’s group in my site. We might even be able to sell it and have a little micro business. Could be cool. 

Tonight I let my host family try my Internet USB stickon their computer. They have a laptop that they barely know how to use. They bought it for their kids educational purposes. One kid is taking computer classes in the city. They were super excited to have internet on their computer. Of course they didn’t really know how it worked. So i introduced them to google. That’s really all you need to know when it comes to the internet anyway. There you can find anything. Well I guess I could teach them how to set up email or facebook too. It was fun teaching them. They sat there for hours, just like good ol’ americans, just looking shit up on the internet. Haha. They can’t wait to get their own magic stick. 

So it feels good to be back in training, for now at least, and to know that I will get home to my site in a few weeks with the tools to get started on some projects. I also look forward to the weekend... when I will be going to hang out at the Sheraton at the pool and use the sauna and jacuzzi. Yea let me just say, this ain’t my grandmother’s peace corps down here. I’ve got it good. Gracias a Dios.

Buenas Noches. Paz y Amor!

Back to the Beginning

Well here i am tonight... back in the place where my El Salvador adventures began. My first training community. It feels good to be back, and being here makes me think about things. The person that rode into town this morning on the pickup is a very different person than the one that came here for the first time back in July. I have come a long way. I'm getting ready to go to bed... and I remember when I got into this bed to go to sleep my first nights here. And how scared I was. I was nervous falling asleep in this country. All that was unknown to me. I wasn't sure I felt safe. Now I feel so comfortable here... it feels like a second home. And I am so proud that I am back here and I am now able to understand everyone. During training there were certain people that talked with such heavy accents that I couldn't understand anything they said. And now I get it.

I went to the pupuseria tonight with Ceci and Maria... and instead of them making me pupusas, I made pupusas for them! I feel like one of them. And being back in this pueblo- it's funny how much I appreciate the toilet (even though it doesn't flush), having the bathroom in the house with me, and being able to take my bucket bath behind a closed door. Such luxuries. I wont have them for long because I'm moving to my second training community on Saturday, where it's more rural and therefore more like my site. But I will enjoy these things for a few days. What's even better- There should be hot showers in store for me in the near future. We are going to spend a week of our training in a hotel in San Sal. WOO!

I went to the cemetery with Ceci and fam today for the Day of the Dead stuff. It was cool, everybody brings tons of colorful flowers made of paper and plastic and other colorful decorations and they clean of their families tombs and decorate them. They deck them out. The entire cemetery is just popping with color. And we just hung out there, eating and drinking coke, they did a lot of catholic praying. 2 year old Diego came with us. He was climbing all over me like a jungle gym. He has grown a lot in just the 2 months that i have been away. He is talking more... and he remembered me as soon as I walked in the door today. A big "AMY!!!" and ran to me and gave me a hug. I am convinced he is the cutest kid in El Salvador. Sorry Milton.

So tomorrow I will reunite with other gringo friends in San Vi for lunch. It's gonna be fun to share stories about our sites and experiences during this time apart. We have the next 3 weeks to do that during training. So yea... it's nice to have this break. Although it's going to be packed full with work- it still feels like a little vacation.

Before I left my site I went with Don Chepito to buy paint because I have been wanting to paint my house... And he was so kind to bring me and give me several hours of his morning taking me to the paint stores, being so patient. And what did I come back with? A bright bright pink. As soon as we got home I was like Oh no. What was I thinking. I do not want a bright pink house. Oy vey. I need to go exchange it... which I can do if I havent opened it. Thank god. I need to try not to make such impulsive purchases. I am not a bright pink house kinda girl. El Sal's style has thrown me off a little. But I dont know if I even really want to paint my house at all. It's fine the way it is. Again- if it aint broke... don't fix it.

Going to bed! i want to get up and run in the morning... I never ran here in the pueblo before....

Goodnight mundo. Paz y amor!

A Dog-Eat-Cow World

10-31

Tomorrow is Halloween. I love Halloween. I guess it’s that part of me that will always be a kid that keeps me feeling attached to the holiday. In Texas around this time the weather finally starts cooling down- the air is a little bit crisper, the sun a bit kinder. You see black and orange decorations in the neighborhoods and in the stores. Pumpkins. Costumes. This is the first time in my life I have been separated from the feeling of October in the states. Wow. I get a little homesick thinking about it. But Tuesday in El Salvador they are celebrating Day of the Dead... I wonder how that will be. I think people are gonna dress up in costumes. I heard that everyone goes and hangs out at the cemetery all day and has a party there and they sell food and drinks and stuff. So maybe it’ll help with my missing Halloween.

I woke up this morning and right outside my house I saw the dogs chewing on something. Something big. It was a chivo, a baby cow. Pretty new born. The dogs had killed it in the night to feast. I was kind of shocked.... but at the same time not really. That’s life. Dogs here don’t get Pedigree from their owners... They just get tortillas and milk. They have to get some meat, ya know... and well out here- they do what they gotta do to get it. It’s really kind of neat. For the first time ever, I’m being exposed to nature... to the wild. I never would have seen this at home- where the dogs are treated like sweet little babies and dressed up in clothes and given pillows to sleep on. No wonder all that sounds crazy to Salvadorans. It is crazy. They are animals. And we humanize them, baby them, and forget what they are capable of doing on their own. This is real life, what I am seeing here. A dog-eat-dog, or excuse me, dog-eat-cow world. And here I am finding everything I was looking for. 

My whole life, I knew the world was different outside of the states. I knew people didn’t live so comfortably like we do. And so many of us take it for granted what we have. I wanted to simplify my life. To not just see what people live like here, but to live like they do. Our comfy houses that are sealed from all traces of wildlife. In all my houses I ever lived in I hardly ever saw bugs. We had the house sprayed to protect ourselves from them. The most I ever saw was a cockroach here and there, or one of those really tiny spiders, a daddy-long legs, or a mosquito. Here, I just get used to living with the bugs. They don’t scare me anymore. The rats don’t scare me anymore. 

It’s really satisfying to live this rural 3rd world life... To just focus on the important things- spending time with good people, helping them, being productive- Free from wasting hours on the couch watching trashy television shows, Throwing away entire days surfing the internet and feeding a facebook addiction. The people here don’t have much. They are poor. They eat the same beans, rice, tortillas, and pupusas all the time. They go to bed at 8 o clock at night and wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning. Don’t drink much. They have to go collect sticks in the woods to make fires to cook their food.  They don’t have machines to wash their clothes and dishes and heat their food in 30 seconds. It’s a bit harder. But their lives are simpler at the same time. And in many ways their lives are so much better and more satisfying. They spend time with their families everyday. The families and neighbors work together. Salvadorans have good hearts. They have nothing and want to give those they love everything. I love it here. I thought leaving my American life to come here was so hard. But I can already guess that going home will be so much harder. I don’t have to think about that right now though. It’s only the beginning for me. I am thankful for this opportunity. And I am thankful for all my family and friends back home that are showing me so much support!

Yesterday I was at the school- just hanging out there and reading a magazine. It was the afternoon- so only grades 5-9 were there. I haven’t gotten to know many of them because most of them are really shy. But yesterday I could see they were finally warming up to me. They came and sat next to me, asking me questions about who I am, what I’m gonna do. Its great to finally get to know some of them. I was talking to 2 boys that weren’t in class taking exams like everyone else. I asked why- turns out they got kicked out of school because they had too many absences. But they still came to hang out there even though they couldn’t be in class. They wanted to be there. They wanted to see their friends. They said they had all those absences because they had to work for their families. 

Later I sat in on the HIV lecture for the 7th graders, given by one of the teachers. It was pretty well done. The kids need to know about it... and AIDS is a huge problem here, as it is in many 3rd world countries. The teacher was telling them to protect themselves through abstinence. She didn’t really talk much about using protection if they are sexually active. I wonder if those kids know how to use a condom. And kids here become sexually active at very young ages. Most of them don’t use protection because well- you have to have the money to buy condoms, and you have to get them in the city... They probably have too much pena to buy them. I dont think they even sell them at the little tiendas here. And even if they did- it’s such a small town everyone would know what kids are doing it- they’d all be gossiping about it. So the kids have few options for protecting themselves. The teacher asked me to help her with this sex education program in the next school year- which starts in January. I would be happy to help. I think it’s really important to provide youth with knowledge about this stuff. 

I walked a sweet little old lady home yesterday. She needed to hang on to my arm to not fall down. What would normally be a 5 minute walk for me was a 30 minute walk with her. LoL. 

I woke up for a run this morning and I feel great! I could get used to this. 

If it ain't broke, don't fix it

10-28

Visiting my friend Jamie’s site made me feel really lucky to be living where I am. Her site is really great, it’s just where she lives that is not great. Her site is located pretty high up in the hills, and when on your way there you get an amazing view of the volcano and the laguna below. Gorgeous. And the town is really cute and small. Everything is really close together, unlike my site which is huge with everything spread out with far distances. That’s really nice- she is close to everything, and it’s just a lot more intimate. The town is full of friendly people and TONS of children that flock to Jamie in herds they love her and want to be near her so much. So yes, her site is amazing. Her house is not. 

The family is super nice and it’s clear they really care for her. It’s just that she has no privacy. Ever. The house she lives in is as big is my house that I have all to myself- maybe a bit smaller- and there are 7 people living in it! The family- The parents and their 4 children all sleep in one room together and they gave Jamie the other room to herself- well kind of. The room is pretty open to everything and the 4 little girls and family are always passing through. The kids come in and just sit and stare at her. They never leave her alone. They touch her things and have even stolen things from her! All of that alone is enough to drive someone crazy. But there’s more. Her host mom is severely depressed and it’s obvious. It’s concerning and awkward. She hardly responds when spoken too, just sits there staring in to space looking like she is on the verge of crying at all times. I even caught her staring directly at me and Jamie at times in a way that was creepy. As sad as it is that she is unhappy, what can Jamie do? She’s not a therapist. And even if she wanted to offer her an ear, advice or counseling... that would be tough to do without an advanced Spanish level. So yea, that would be hard to live with for 2 years. Her host dad is really nice... but also weird. He dressed up in his King costume for us. LoL. 

The living conditions are poor. But even though most people in our communities are poor, most of them still maintain very clean houses. Jamie’s house, not too clean.... really in the places where it matters most- the pila and the latrine. The latrine doesn’t even offer much for privacy, there’s a curtain but it barely covers it. So they just pee on the side of the house in the mud. I wasn’t very good at doing that with all the splashing. The food- not so good. I found a few bugs in my beans. The eggs were fried in so much oil.... And when she buys her own food to try to eat something different, the kids eat it up, and her money goes wasted. Not cool. For all this she pays triple what I pay in rent.... I pay $25 a month. Of course she is paying for food too. But beans, rice, and eggs don’t cost that much. (and the bugs are free!) And that’s basically what she gets there. So.... it’s a rip off. 

She said it herself... she needed to find another place to live. But as far as she knew, there was no where for her to go. There were no empty houses. 

So when we were at her neighbors house- they were some of the nicest people I have met- and I ended up asking them if they knew about there being any houses available. There was just one that they knew of. Newly built by a man that lives in the U.S. who has sent money for it to be built. But he lives there and doesn’t really have any intention of moving back any time soon. Maybe it’s just for when he comes to visit? I dunno... anyway the woman took us to look at it and oh my god... it’s like the Peace Corps Cribs dream house... really nice and beautiful. So we talked to the family of the owner who are going to talk with him about the possibility of J living there and she’ll tell her Monday she said. Hope that works out for her. That would be sweet! She’s working hard there. She deserves a home she feels comfortable in at the end of the day. Granted, I know this is Peace Corps... and part of Peace Corps is understanding the expectation that you may have to live under conditions of hardship... But we also have the right to our own space and privacy in our home... and to look for places to live that will provide that for us.

Fortunately, as I can fully appreciate now, I ended up somewhere pretty good to start off with. And like my dad says, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” And I am very thankful to be right where I am. I have started appreciating Marinita for all that she does for me instead of being annoyed by it. I fall more in love with this country everyday. I can’t believe I’m going to go home for a visit in February.  Whether I’m ready or not, I gotta take advantage of my airline credits I have...   It will be nice to go home for a few weeks and see my fam and eat good food... and I am going to stock up on all the american goods I can’t get here to bring home. 

Uh oh... I’m hearing a rustling. I haven’t seen or heard a rat in my house in a few weeks. Could they be back? 

I was looking forward to my run in the morning, but it poured rain tonight which means the soccer field will be muddy in the morning- which means I’m not going.

You know... a lot of times I go to use the latrine at my house and I am astonished at what terrible aim people have when peeing here. The seat is always wet! Ok there isn’t really a seat- just the cylinder of cement... but i call it a seat because, well, I sit on it. I have to at times.... when you have churria, as they call it here, you really can only squat for so long. Anyway, I found out that it’s not that Salvadorans are poor aiming pissers.... It’s because they keep lids on top of the cement hole and the heat from everything below kind of boils up and creates the moisture on the seat. Gross. That may be worse than just urine- the liquid condensation of years worth of excrement. Is a lid really necessary? Still... I’m not complaining... my latrine is way nice compared to others. 

I leave on Tuesday for my PreService Training 2 (PST2). Time is flying. 

Got some awesome packages from home today! Feel happy and loved! Can’t wait to eat the box of Velveeta Shells and Cheese they sent me! Just one box... so I will savor it! If only had brought Louisiana Hot Sauce with me to this country.

Paz y Amor.

The Land of the Unknown

Today I went to visit the only part of my village that I have yet to visit, because it is so far away. I was invited by a family to go out there weeks ago, and I had been putting it off because I wasn´t eager to walk all the way out there. And it is out there. So at 8 am this morning Mayra,13, and Idalia,11, came to meet me near my house and we started the 45 minute hike into the land of the unkown (well, unknown to me)... It was a beautiful walk. The roads out there are laid with stones and are covered with canopies of green from trees that have probably been there for hundreds of years. There are rivers, and pretty bridges that cross them, and hills that aren´t that fun to climb but sure are nice to look at. We got to their house- really old, made of sticks and mud.

It´s a whole different kind of poverty out there. I visited their school that only goes up to 6th grade... A lot of the people that live out their don´t continue their educations past that. If they want to, however, continue studying they can walk the 45 minutes to come to school everyday in my town. Only a handful of them do that, including Mayra and Idalia. They are so nice. They live in the darky little old dingy house with their mom, their uncle and their grandparents. They all share a room and beds. I am really impressed by them and their family though. They were talking to me about how they tell the girls they need to study and continue their educations and not get married and start a family at 14 years old like many of the other girls around here do. How sad to start a family so young- you dont even really know what you want when you are that age... and those girls sacrifice their childhoods and their bodies and their freedoms and they become baby machines and end up with 11 kids down the road. Anyway, their mom has been spending all of what little money she makes on sending her girls to computer classes in the city each week. The girls are pretty and clean and well dressed. I taught them how to make friendship bracelets and they loved that. I really enjoyed my time there. They fed me lunch too... It was hard to get down- some kind of tofu, potato mush, a salad, and a side of horchata. It wasn´t terrible. Each time I eat a salad here though I wonder- will this be the time I get amoebas? Just have to wait and see... Lately I have been able to eat all kinds of stuff and drink the water and I´ve been ok.

I visited their school out there. They need help. They have only 3 teachers for all grades- kinder through 6th. Each teacher teaches 3 grades all in the same classroom, all at the same time. That`s tough. They used to have a teacher for each grade, but lost some people. Probably because commuting to work their is crazy- an hour bus ride than a 45 minute hike. And it´s not like the government pays those teachers any more for going out there. So they probably take the jobs closer to home as soon as the opportunity arises. Also, the school principal is one of the teachers.... And their roof has huge holes in it and they desperately need a new one. That school makes the one I work for look state of the art.

Anyway... gotta get home and take my clothes off the line before the rain rolls in.

Paz y amor.

Blame it on the Boogie

PART I: LIttle Bit of Everything

I went to bed at 8 o’ clock last night and woke up at 8 o’ clock this morning. Wow. That was some good sleep. I kinda like going to bed early, but so that I will wake up early, at like 5 or 6. Never imagined I’d wake up at 8... I’m sure everyone was really worried about me. Anway....

So what’s been going on this week? Well after my Asamblea General on Tuesday some women came up to me and were like “So u say you want to start an exercise group huh? let’s go running on the soccer field tomorrow morning at 5:30.” I said ok... but man, getting up that early has always been so hard for me. But I did it. And they were there. It was actually a really nice run. It’s so much better to go then, rather than at 7 o clock when I was going and the sun was out and it was already way too hot. I liked it so much I woke up and did it again on thursday and friday! The women here are not well equipped for exercise... they run in their $300 plastic sandals they bought at the mercado. I had a number of grown ups show up and tons of kids for the first run. They are really out of shape... and I was pushing them.... They wanted to stop in sit down after just a few laps, but I kept ‘em going. We did 15 laps. No one showed up the next day... except 5 year old Elvin who runs laps around me. 

Friday I went to a unicef meeting at the mayor’s office. It was interesting, but a little unclear to me what it was about. The woman leading the meeting talked a lot about poverty in El Salvador, the broken families and what that means for the children. Because most kids here don’t live with both their parents, or even one of their parents... they were left to whomever so their parents could go to the states. A lot of the kids in my community who’s parents did leave for the states aren’t even getting much money sent to take care of them. They feel abandoned. And so it’s no wonder that something like 3 out of 4 kids here want to abandon El Salvador and go to the United States. The children want to be in a country that is successful and that gives them opportunity. They want to be where their families are... It must be really great there if their parents were willing to leave them behind to go. I don’t understand why the parents don’t take the children with them... 

Anyway, we talked about education initiatives we can start within the schools, to boost attendance and projects we can start that will keep kids active and benefit the environment. It really all starts with the parents. I would like to get involved with an Escuela de Padres, and have workshops to educate the parents about what they can do to better give their children what they need. How about setting limits for one. And making your child get out of bed and go to school even when they don’t want to. Holding them responsible for doing their homework. And let them be children. Too many of the kids here don’t really have a childhood... they are expected to work in the field and help in the house as soon as they are old enough to know how to do so. At the same time, their help is necessary to the functioning of the family. It’s a tough one to solve. 

Poor Milton. No one supervises him. When he gets bored and no one is paying attention to him he just takes off and runs around the town by himself. He’s only 3 years old... it’s not safe. Last week I was walking home and I found him hanging out with some bolos, drunks. He was entertaining them and they gave him a minuta, which is like a snow cone. I said, “Milton? What are you doing? Come on, let’s go home.” And I carried him home.... But he keeps leaving to go hang out outside of the house.... he will leave and wander to wherever he gets attention. Good or bad attention. He needs love... And he’s not getting it at home. He came back yesterday with a huge bloody purple bump on his head. He said he fell. It hurts my heart. He can’t be running around the streets by himself. I was told that about a year ago, a child his age was playing in the street when a bus came and he was run over and died. So it makes me angry that no one seems to care that my little friend is wandering around wherever to whatever. Pobrecito. 

PART II: Payaso’s Have No Pena- Why Should You?

Thursday was Día del Niño, and there was a big party at the school. A clown came and put on a show. It was pretty fun. Kids participated in all kinds of competitions... And then the clown wanted the teachers to participate in one, but around here people- especially adult women, have too much pena, or embarrasment- and they hate getting up in front of people to do anything. It get’s old because people are always using it an an excuse to not participate. I am the opposite- I hardly have pena about anything. So when they volunteered me for the game I was ready to go. I was supposed to do it with another teacher but since none of them would the clown told me to choose a student- I chose Lupita, my counterparts 9th grade sister who’s a good friend and has gone on house visits with me. Luckily she came up to play the game. 

The clown gives us a long strand of red yarn with a piece of candy tied in the center of it. We had to put the ends of the string in our mouths and without using our hands eat the string and the first one to get to the candy in the middle wins. Seemed kind of inappropriate, because if we both got to the middle at the same time we would be mouth to mouth, looking like we were kissing. I have a feeling that’s what the clown had in mind. So I purposely lost. I was laughing too hard I couldn’t do it anyway. 

It was also hilarious to see the “Who can do the best Michael Jackson dance?” competition among the little boys. It was pretty cute. 

At the end of the show those of us who don’t let our pena hold us down all danced... I’ve finally figured out how to dance bachata! I’m pretty excited about it! I want to learn some dances and have a dance class for kids!  was at my neighbors house last week and I got her to start dancing with me in the living room- she loved it! Now she’s always asking me when we are going to dance again! I would love to choreograph some stuff and work on it with kids and then put on a little dance show. Maybe I’ll go take dance lessons at this dance studio in San Vicente. The guy that works there and owns it is a nationally recognized dancer. That would be fun, and a good way to exercise.

I’m sitting here in my house right now- it’s almost 10:30... I told some people I would go to their house today at 10. The little girl was supposed to come pick me up from my house... but I haven’t seen her. Maybe she came and saw my door closed and had too much pena to come up to my house and just assumed I wasn’t home. Hmmm... Oh well, I’m kinda good either way. I have been busy every day this week I want to rest! And finish this blog.... Which is turning into a novel! But read on, if you will....

Friday after my unicef meeting I went to meet my friends Jamie and Hollie for lunch in San Vi. We went to Mexican restaurant that has a nice upstairs area and we like to go there because we usually have the entire place to ourselves and enjoy some privacy. Afterwards the girls came back to my town with me and we had a good night. I love having company... and my little house is perfect for sleepovers! I have 3 cots and 2 hammocks.... so visitors are welcome and the company much appreciated! I stayed up later than I’ve stayed up in a month... It was nice to just talk in English to someone who’s in my boat and share and compare experiences. Thus, I was super tired on Saturday- Woke up early to walk the girls to the bus stop. Had my neighbor Roxanna help me cut my wood for my shelves. Which was harder than I thought it would be.... You need some fuerza to cut wood. 

Then I went to the surprise Baby Shower for one of the teachers, Margarita. We went and had a nice lunch at a restaurant... I bought her baby a cute little baby blanket- luckily I was the only one to buy a blanket- everyone else all gave her diapers. I ate the salad that wasn’t clearned properly I’m sure and drank the beverage that was made with the dirty water from the tap.... Every time I’ve done that in the past I’ve spent the entire next day making frequent trips to the bathroom. But not today. I think my body is getting used to the parasites. This is a good thing. haha. I guess. 

One of the teachers wanted me to go spend the night at her house after the shower.... I really didn’t want to. She kept saying how Allison, the last volunteer would go spend the night at her house... And I’m like ok that’s great but I dont want to tonight- I had no clothes no toothbrush, nothing. I will probably do so in the future- But just didn’t want to yesterday. But I did go to her house and visit with her for a bit before going home. She’s cool, her husband is a policeman, and they just had their 3rd and last baby, Kimberley. Really cute kid. All the babies in this country wear red beaded bracelets on their wrists with one bead that looks like an eye. The infant mortality rate in this country is kind of high- And people believe that it protects their kid from the “Evil Eye.” They say that there are some people that are just evil and have the Ojo that when they look at the baby they can transfer some kind of evil power, like casting a spell on them or something and the baby gets sick and can die. The bracelet protects them and because there’s an eye on it the evil spirit will be drawn to look at that instead of the baby’s eye- something like that. 

Ate pupusas last night with the family who’s daughter Mayra left last week to go mojado to the states. Yesterday she was staying at a hotel near the Mexican border... waiting for night to come to cross the river. They get naked and put all their clothes and things in a trashbag and hold onto a floaty to cross. Wonder how she made out. How dangerous is it? Is the Rio Grande a rapid river? Really wide?

What a beautiful lazy Sunday I’m going to have. Today will be my day to decansar (rest) in the hammock. I deserve it. A lot of volunteers say that they spend a lot of time in their hammocks everyday... I never have that. I live with the most active family in the community and people here just seem very active in general.... So I’m always going and working like they are. Otherwise I’m afraid they’ll think I’m lazy. But today is Sunday... Today is my day! 

Paz y Amor.